xoMan Candy Sammie Talks Heartbreak & Monogamy
I can't be the only one who remembers R&B singer Sammie, stealing our hearts with the sounds of puppy love at the tender age of 13. Before our very eyes, he's gone from "I Like It" to a grown and sexy "I Love It" two decades later. And we are more than here for it.
The crooner has always been easy on the ears, but has elicited quite a few heart eye emojis (and maybe a few "drip" ones too) over the years from us. Just one look at his Instagram page and you'll see his glaring evolution through his titillating photos, candid captions, and you know we can't forget the Zaddy beard. But even deeper than surface-level attraction, the 31-year-old has proven time and time again how talented he truly is. His new single "Times 10" shows the singer taking a more explicit approach with lyrics like "I'm a real life freak, we can fuck on my sheets."
Sammie - Times 10 (Trailer) ft. Lil Babywww.youtube.com
There's no wonder our eyes get low, our cheeks blush, and our knees buckle whenever a song of his hits our "mood" playlist. xoNecole decided to chat with the artist about monogamy, how past relationships have shaped him into the man he is today, and the sounds we can expect to hear from his forthcoming project, Everlasting.
Sammie On the Type of Music We Can Expect to Hear from Him...
Sammie: I'm diverse. I give you love, I give you pain, I give you passion. I talk about the art of monogamy and trying to master that. I talk about infidelity, so it's kinda a love story. The album is called Everlasting. The reason why I entitled [it] that was because every relationship, good or bad, happy, sad, one night stands has had an everlasting effect on [the] man that I've become so it's not just sex at all; it's about everything that I've gone through in my 14 years of dating.
Courtesy of Sammie
"Every relationship, good or bad, happy, sad, one night stands has had an everlasting effect on [the] man that I've become so it's not just sex at all. It's about everything that I've gone through in my 14 years of dating."
Sammie On What He’s Learned from His mom About Relationships...
Sammie: My mom is my queen and I started dating at the age of 17, but of course I was still living under her roof so I had to get permission so I wasn't sneaking on the phone talking to my girl. She just told me to be mindful in how you treat women, karma is real, you reap what you sow and all your decisions good or bad will have an everlasting effect. That conversation and idiom at 31 has now resonated.
Sammie On How His Relationships Have Shaped the Man He is Today...
Sammie: I'm a Pisces, I've always been more emotional than the average man. I've been singing to women since I was 12, they were little girls and then teenagers and now we've all grown together. I was always becoming this guy. Every relationship I've gone through, I've learned more and more about myself and I don't like the demons about myself, the dark side. I think the way to fix it is to admit that you have a problem, address it, look yourself in the mirror, and slowly chisel away at what it is you don't fancy about yourself and I've done that. And so I've finally become the man that I've always thought I could be.
Sammie On Heartbreak...
Sammie: I've had my heart broken. Unfortunately, I've also shattered a couple of hearts, nothing I'm proud of. No matter how many women I have in my life, that's not something that's – that's not a trophy to me. I wish I didn't do a lot of those things. However, you can't take back the past, you can only hopefully learn the lesson and apply what it is you learn and progress accordingly.
Sammie On Preferring Monogamy Over Casual Dating
Sammie: I'm a relationship guy. Like my shortest relationship was three years, I was with a girl for four, another girl for four and a half [years], and then three, so that's about 11 years of life and I'm only 31. Eleven years of my life I've been in long relationships so now I'm looking forward to the one where it's forever. I don't want to do three or four years and realize she's not my wife and we're not equally yoked and vice versa, I'm not her husband. So [I'm] not a serial dater. If I'm not involved with somebody, I'm chillin' and focusing on things again that I don't like about myself and preparing myself for my forever.
Courtesy of Sammie
"If I'm not involved with somebody, I'm chillin' and focusing on things again that I don't like about myself and preparing myself for my forever."
Sammie On His Ideal Valentine’s Day Date...
Sammie: You have to pay attention to what your woman's been talking about maybe all year long. Definitely a nice dinner, something nice, candlelit. If she indulges in wine, Malbec is a good choice, I'm a red wine connoisseur, great conversation. I like interactive things like a movie is intimate but even bowling, something where we can kinda be free and it has to end in the right way. I think a nice sensual – [with] some music playing – bubble bath.
I think when you bathe someone that's one of the most intimate things outside of sex, and you learn new things about their body during that process and then you can end it with some amazing passionate safe sex. That's my ideal Valentine's Day.
Be sure to follow Sammie on Instagram. And check out his teaser for "Times 10" here.
Be sure to follow Sammie on Instagram. And check out his teaser for "Times 10" here.
Featured image courtesy of Sammie
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London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images