'Ready To Love' Fan Favorite Ashlee Akins Spills The Tea On Reality, Love & Alexx
Many of us have been oh-so-good at chasing the bag and killing it in the professional and business games but have been not so successful at reaching our dream bae goals. OWN's Ready To Love is a sexy new series, co-hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, that follows a group of Atlanta's most successful Black men and women in their 30s and 40s, as they try to get through past hurt, find ways to let go of baggage, and put focus on finding someone to share their lives –– and their coins –– with.
Ashlee Akins, a Jackson, Tennessee native, speech therapist, and aspiring entertainer, is among them, letting cameras follow her as she moves through the ups and downs of pursuing a successful relationship in a city where recent findings show there are 80,000 more single women than single men. (Talk about a dating gap!)
On the show, there's a focus on the men and their perspective in finding the right woman, and Akins has made it as one of the final few women remaining on the show. She doesn't sweat the statistics, nor the stigmas and pressures associated with dating after 30, deciding instead to take it all in stride and turn the tables to do what works for her.
Ashlee Akins/AA Dimensions
"I'm a ball of fun and a breath of fresh air, " the 31-year-old said during an exclusive interview with xoNecole. "Being on the show, I was put in a room with a bunch of different people who are all awesome. I've never been around so many people who have their lives together, and all they were lacking were [love] relationships. I knew that [they] took the proper steps [professionally] in life but just forgot about their own [personal] wants and needs."
It can get a bit tough avoiding the formulaic, picky, or super-calculated route toward landing a long-time bae while in your 30s and 40s –– hey, who has time and money to waste? –– but Akins likes to let things flow while enjoying the adventure of exploring her options.
"From episode one to now, [dating] was more [about] interrogating than laughing. You see people mingle and it's more about, 'Well, what do you think about this or that?'"
Akins likes to take a more relaxed approach, choosing a good time over a more serious vibe when relating with a potential beau. "This is not a debate. It's not politics. It's love. Smile. Everybody's so rigid about finding that one that they forget about their own personal happiness and having fun in the journey."
Ashlee Akins/AA Dimensions
"Everybody's so rigid about finding that one that they forget about their own personal happiness and having fun in the journey."
She's had some hot and heavy dances with love on the show –– particularly with a tall, chocolate entrepreneurial brother named Alexx –– and she brings spunk and sassiness in personality, demeanor, and style. She rocks a super-cute, spikey 'do that's The Cut Life-worthy, embellished stiletto nails in bold colors, and a honest, tell-it-like-it is candor. On a recent date with Alexx, a trucking company owner who was the last man in the house left with two women to choose from, she said, "I know you noticed that I don't kiss. I'm just the type of woman where I feel I shouldn't rush anything. When I feel the bag is secure –– when my man is my man –– that's when I'm open to that."
She hasn't always had such confidence in matters of the heart. In college, she met the man she thought she would marry, but he wasn't hearing the same wedding bells, and they ended up going their separate ways. After college, Akins moved to Atlanta, where she rode an emotional roller coaster of relationships that often went from good to bad. "I was dealing with men who were untrue, loved to lie, or had multiple women. After having a good one, then a failed relationship, then a good one, then another failed relationship, I had to say, 'OK Ashlee, this is a pattern. It's you.' I felt it was time to stop accepting things that didn't sound good from the start. I didn't understand my worth at the time."
She decided to stop dating, shift focus on her career, and work toward self-love and self-investment. "I engulfed myself in my career, wholeheartedly. I had to boost myself up and get men out of my head. Sometimes we can get lost in the sauce and think that we need a man, and we forget to boost ourselves up. I became a hot commodity to myself, and then, I knew, I could present myself to someone else. I definitely had to do some soul-searching and stop settling."
Ashlee Akins/AA Dimensions
"I had to boost myself up and get men out of my head. Sometimes we can get lost in the sauce and think that we need a man, and we forget to boost ourselves up."
Beyond finding love, Akins has always had her sights set on a career in entertainment, and she's a woman who's not shy about making the right boss moves to become an actress and TV host. Before joining the show, Akins juggled her day job, helping youth in the Georgia school system, with going on auditions to get gigs that would allow her to satisfy her acting bug.
Akins shared that her career as a speech therapist has allowed her to make a difference, and she wants to be able to use her communications skills in entertainment, representing for women who want to motivate the masses and have a damn good time while doing it. She has a budding lifestyle and empowerment brand called AA Dimensions, which she launched with her mother, Angela Bond.
"I'm all about positivity. I like to keep it real and happy. If I can put a smile on most people's faces through a platform, and I can give something I know I live by to someone else, I know my job is done."
If it's up to Akins, Ready To Love won't be the last time you'll see her on any screen. "I plan to get into movies, commercials and hosting. I want to keep going as far and as long as I can. I see myself, professionally, with a business that is growing and doing well. As far as love, I'd like to see myself married –– to a particular someone –– planning our lives together. And hey, his name might be Alexx," she added with a laugh. "Just stay tuned."
To keep up with Ashlee, follow her on Twitter. The finale airs this Saturday, only on OWN.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
My name is Yasmine Jameelah, and I’m a founder, journalist, freelance writer, and dog mama. Wellness is at the intersection of everything that I do.
Six years ago, I started a small wellness community on Instagram after embarking on a healing journey in my mid-twenties that I documented via a blog where I wrote about healing, therapy, celibacy, and growth after what felt like years of chaos. Six years later, that wellness community has blossomed into one of the largest online wellness platforms for Black women called Transparent Black Girl which has a reach of over five million Black women.
It still sounds crazy to say that aloud, to know that a 24-year-old girl planted the seeds of the life that this 30-year-old woman gets to live now.
While I was growing my company, because my love for writing was so strong, I went back to school and obtained my master's in journalism. I’ve worked as a freelance writer, an editor, and a frequent contributor to publications that I respect greatly, xoNecole being one of them! My journalism career has been a reflection of my passion and heart for wellness and the culture. My day-to-day is busy, but we manage to get it done, and on the days that I can’t, I give myself grace to do what I can with the time that I have.
My days consist of events, long walks with my dog, freelance pitching, and deciding what content creation and events will look like for my wellness collective, Transparent & Black.
Now, follow me on a random day in my life.
Morning
5:00 a.m.
My Goldendoodle keeps me on a schedule, so every morning, like clockwork, he wakes me up to use the bathroom and eat breakfast, at 5 a.m.! Am I usually over it first thing in the morning? 100%, but his being on a schedule challenges me to stick with mine and start the day on a productive note. He’s a wellness dog which means I feed him home-cooked meals and give him supplements daily to support his health, and he has a daily dental treat to keep his teeth healthy. Canine dental hygiene is imperative for a long life and a good smelling breath!
Today, I’m heading into the city, and I’ll be there almost all day, so when I’m gone that long, I take him to doggy daycare.
7:00 a.m.
Doggy daycare drop-off is filled with tons of barks, and my dog is practically jumping out of the car with excitement to see his friends. Now, some of y’all might be thinking, doggy daycare, sis, that’s too much for a dog! But it’s not, socialization is key for dogs, and so is keeping my house intact when I’m gone for long periods of time. Does he go daily? No, we aren’t rich (yet, we gotta manifest!), but when my dog is happy and experiencing play, and I’m happy attending events, I feel accomplished.
Having a pet is a serious responsibility, and I pride myself on knowing that I am invested in his mental and emotional health by encouraging his socialization with his friends.
7:30 a.m.
Headed to my local coffee shop to grab my go-to order. Iced coffee, a single shot of espresso, half and half, and 3 pumps of agave. Winter, spring, summer, fall, I am an iced coffee girl. I love it, especially after a workout where I’ve broken a sweat - nothing about having hot coffee after I’ve been sweating for over an hour feels good to me.
8:00 a.m.
Back home listening to Carlos King's commentary on YouTube in the shower (what can I say, commentary on reality TV drama relaxes me, don’t judge!) and prepping for the first stop on the agenda for today which is an event in the city. Without traffic, I’m about a 25-minute drive to Manhattan but it’s rush hour, so that 25 minutes is about 55 which means I have to head out soon so that I can arrive on time.
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9:00 a.m.
Headed to Manhattan for a Black History Month event with Meta, Peloton, and We The Culture. I wanted to take the train, but I ran out of time, so I hopped in an Uber because I didn’t want to be late, and I had my daily check-in with my best friend while I rode in the Uber. We talk daily and have since our early twenties to check in with each other. I'm grateful that while many aspects of my life have changed, this is still a constant. As we age, prioritizing our friendships for sure gets harder, but it’s not impossible in the least bit when both parties are invested.
9:30 a.m.
Emailing my editor from the car to ask for a deadline extension and sharing with her my ideas for pieces for the month! I’m grateful to have been on both sides of the journalism space. I’ve been a managing editor for years for publications, and I’ve also had the honor to work with managing editors, deputy editors, and editors-in-chief who have poured into me and understood how quickly my schedule can change, I’m honored at the magic we’re able to create together.
As a storyteller, from content that I share to my platform to pieces that I write, I’m having fun again in this season of my life, and I am loving it.
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10:00 a.m.
The event begins, and I can’t lie, when I host my own events, I’m not scared, but as a social anxiety girlie, events sometimes can be a little scary. I am naturally a very shy girl, but wellness events always feel like home to me. You don’t have to dress up; you can show up in workout gear because most of the time you’re experiencing some form of wellness and fitness even during the event. Moments into the panel discussion we experienced a seated meditation led by Peloton instructor Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts - talk about a way to kick the day off!
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The discussion hosted by Meta and Peleton touched on the importance of taking up space in industries and spaces where Black women and people are underrepresented, our self-care regimens, and We The Culture also shared how their work came to be. It was such a powerful event, and of course, we got the inside scoop on Peloton’s newest machines! I also spoke with some people (it’s important to me to always say hello to those who put on the event) and ended up sitting next to THE Pilates girl herself, Raven Ross. She was such a sweetheart, and we talked about our love for Pilates and the importance of community events like this.
Afternoon
2:00 p.m.
Leaving the event, I headed to Sephora to see if I could find Topicals' always sold-out Slick Salve, but to no avail, so I pulled out my phone and ordered it on their website as I walked back to the train station to head back home. I am a girl who loves to walk, so I’m always down for a long walk to the station and a walk back home when time permits, so that’s exactly what I did. I did about four miles just between walking back to Penn Station and walking back to my apartment once I got off the train!
4:30 p.m.
My phone started blowing up because the piece that Oprah Daily asked me to write was published for Black History Month, and my face was on Oprah’s website, AOL’s homepage, and the publication's Instagram page! My mama, aunties, cousins, dad, and everyone who has known me since I was a little girl were beyond proud and excited to see that and how far I’ve come.
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Evening / Night
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5:30 p.m.
I headed to my gym in my home (praise the Lord for apartment amenities) for a quick swim before I picked up my dog from daycare, and then I headed to the sauna and ran into a neighbor who is another successful Black woman killing it in her own right in the tech space. We chatted about life updates and the importance of taking time for our mental health and it felt good to ground myself with swimming. Much of my life has changed in the past few years, but swimming has remained a constant.
Whenever something amazing happens I soak it in and then immediately do what I can to ground myself to stay present, humble, grateful, and focused on what’s ahead.
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6:30 p.m.
It started raining badly and my anxiety is all over the place on the drive to pick up my dog but I practice some deep breathing and remind myself that I have had a calm day and it can end calm as well. I don’t need to rush there, I can drive at a pace that feels good to me. My mother calls to check on me because she sees the weather is terrible and asks me to let her know when I arrive safely.
7:00 p.m.
I arrived at doggy daycare, and the rain is calming down. Can y’all see why I take him?! They watch him all day! My dog is exhausted in the best way and ready to go home and sleep, and I can sit down and relax when we head back home.
9:00 p.m.
I’m back home, took a bath, ordered my favorite healthy Chinese takeout (beef and shrimp with broccoli, light sauce with brown rice), and I’m on the couch with a glass of sustainable wine from one of my favorite Black-owned brands, House of Brown watching Sistaswith a side of kimchi to enjoy with dinner. My candles are lit, I’m letting the highs of the day sit with me and stillness come over me as I prepare for bed.
10:30 p.m.
I took my dog out for a final walk, gave him his bedtime treat, and it’s lights out to prepare for another day.
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Featured image by courtesy