My Complicated Relationship With Safe Sex
This post is in partnership with K-Y.
If I had to give a status to my relationship with safe sex, I'd say it's complicated.
Safe sex, or safer sex, prioritizes health above all else. It's about protecting yourself and protecting your partners. Some of the effective barrier methods are condoms, the ever-popular reproductive barrier, or the use of dental dams or female condoms.
Now, I always make him wrap it up; especially when I'm engaging in a sexual relationship that isn't mutually exclusive. However, that doesn't mean I am typically in love with the sensation that comes along with it. See? Complicated.
Although I know how necessary condoms are for sexual health, I've never had the best perceptions of condoms. I always heard society echoing the buyer beware sentiment of it being too tight, too small, it won't fit, or the tried and true phrase of, "It's like wearing a raincoat in the rain." Aka ladies, your gents can't feel sh*t, namely your famed Aquafina drip. Early on, it seemed like, despite how empowering of a tool a condom was in a man and woman's sexuality and sexual freedom, it was something that went against the very nature of the pleasure we're ultimately after.
Mecca Gamble
The very first time I used a condom was when I lost my virginity. I remember how cold and thick it felt inside of me initially, a feeling I'd liken to a gynecologist's lubed finger when it's time to examine your cervix during your annual pap smear. The slow build quickly caught fire though, and I experienced sheer ecstasy.
Several months and an STI screening later, we experimented with sex without a condom and I truly discovered my niche. While sometimes condoms would dry out and subsequently run me dry, skin-to-skin contact was intense, breathtaking, wild, and truly free. I could feel everything. I was addicted.
Of course, following the demise of that relationship, the importance of safe sex re-entered, but I found myself revisiting the same cycle in my next long-term relationship. Now that I'm single and low key mingling, I've been experimenting with different condoms. It wasn't until recently though, that I experimented with something else, by a brand I never thought to try, despite their impressive stamp in the lubricant market: K-Y Extra Lubricated Latex Condoms.
Mecca Gamble
I was enticed by their packaging. There was something intrinsically feminine about it that made me think my pleasure was a priority. Although morning sex isn't my favorite meal on the menu, he hit it in the morning, in our favorite lazy lovemaking position, the modified spoon. At night, the inner freak came out of us both and we indulged, tasting different aspects of each other, and switching from position to position.
The verdict was more than in: I loved it.
I was reminded of how it felt to have sex without one and my body responded accordingly. I was a fountain and it made both experiences (and the ones after) an incredible ride for me. While it's extremely important to talk about safe sex from a physical standpoint, it's also important to talk about sex from a pleasurable and emotional perspective. Feeling good is a huge part of it, but I think there's room to do both.
Mecca Gamble
In learning to fall in love with wrapping it up unconditionally, and with my condom of choice, is an act of loving myself. Deeply, physically, and wholly. I am reminded of my power in a tangible way.
And that in and of itself makes me feel liberated AF.
I guess these days, my relationship with safe sex has become a little less complicated.
To find out more about K-Y Extra Lubricated Condoms as well as their K-Y® Yours+Mine® Couples Lubricants®, visit K-Y.com.
Featured image by Mecca Gamble
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Tyler James Williams Explains Why His And Quinta Brunson 'Abbott Elementary' Characters Should Remain Friends
While Abbott Elementary fans are hoping that Janine and Gregory end up together, the show’s star has another take. Tyler James Williams plays Gregory on the Emmy award-winning sitcom, and he recently stopped by The Jennifer Hudson Show to share his point of view on his storyline with Janine, which Quinta Brunson plays.
“I hate to say it. I know that everybody’s always mad at me for this. I don’t necessarily want to see them together,” he revealed. “It’s partially an actor’s choice, but also somebody who, like, I read a lot of scripts all the time. I watch a lot of TV, a lot of film. I don’t think that we see displays of platonic love between two people often. I think it’s really easy to go right to they have feelings for each other, therefore they should be together. I like this dynamic of exploring withholding that and just actively loving each other where they are. That I like to see more.”
If you recall, they were co-workers who became friends but were secretly crushing on each other. They’ve had many awkward run-ins during and after school, like the unforgettable club scene where they were dancing nervously with each other in season one, and in season two, they finally kiss. However, it only made things even more awkward, and they decided to just be friends. Tyler further explained why he thinks it’s important to showcase that type of relationship on screen.
“I think it’s time for that. I think TV allows people to see things that could be their lives for the first time, and I think seeing a healthy friendship that is deeply caring about one another in a work atmosphere needs to be shown more than the relationship,” he concluded.
Abbott Elementary comes on every Wednesday at 9 p.m. EST on ABC.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images