Michelle Williams On Why She Doesn't Live By The 'Grind Till You Die' Mantra
For many, if they were told to describe what happiness looks like to the them, the words "success", "money", or "significant other" would be thrown around. The reality that we end up facing is our own false perception as we learn that our flawed expectations were never designed to be the solutions to our problems.
The same can be said about singer Michelle Williams. While at the peak of her career as ⅓ of one of the most successful girl groups of all-time Destiny's Child, she was also at rock bottom as she secretly battled depression. Just last year, she revealed on The Talk her manager's response to learning she was depressed: "Y'all just signed a multi-million dollar deal, you're about to go on tour, what do you have to be depressed about?"
Related: A Spiritual Retreat Led Michelle Williams To Her Future Husband
Through her decade journey of inner frustrations to suicidal thoughts, life bloomed at the end of the dark tunnel. With a loving fiance and her home decor business, Believe By Michelle, the 37-year-old still ensures she doesn't lose sight of taking care of the anchor of her happiness, which is herself. In an interview with Forbes, she said:
"That whole, 'While you sleep I was grinding' foolishness? No, please rest. This past week, I literally had to take stuff off my calendar. I had too much going on, and was starting to feel pulled. Sorry, call me flakey if you want to, but my mental health is way more important. I don't want to go back to that dark hole, you know what I mean? Depression is really no joke at all. I'm a big fan of therapy, counseling. I'm about to be married, so I want to make sure I'm continuing the healing process, for my husband."
The "grind 24/7" mentality that has become the social norm is unhealthy and drives people into insanity more than prosperity. It not only results in everything becoming a competition, but also it ups the ante on emotionally living off validation from others.
While working to please others, we forget what pleases ourselves and dig an even bigger hole of creating a facade that everything is going well by sharing shallow victories with the world when, in actuality, our minds are filled with misery and self-loathing. If you want to see a change in your mental space and attitude towards life, you have to slow things down in your packed schedule to create a specific time that is set strictly for your peace of mind.
"If you spend 30 minutes on Instagram, maybe just spend 20 and do 10 minutes of meditation, push-ups, drinking water… Instead of putting the kids to bed at 8:00, make sure they're in the bed at 7:30, so you got 30 minutes for you. Start somewhere."
No matter how far you believe you've gotten through your own personal battles with your inner demons, self-care shouldn't lose its value and should always be at the center of your life.
To read Michelle's Forbes feature in full, click here.
Featured image by Getty Images
Ngozi Nwanji is from Silver Spring, MD and is currently a senior majoring in journalism at Temple University. Her passions include writing, Issa Rae, and music, especially 90s R&B.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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