Michelle Obama Says If You Are Looking For A Barack, You Should Try Not Looking So Damn Hard
With the recent debut of Michelle Obama's hit memoir Becoming, intimate details were shared about the love story between her and Barack.
If you had the opportunity to finish the book, you may be disappointed at the lack of hot and steamy recollections of their earlier years (okay, maybe it's just me but can you blame me?! Michelle and Barack are so attractive). However, Michelle made sure to drop some gems in the form of dating advice for us single ladies looking to find our Mr. Right.
If you don't know by now, Barack was not even Michelle's type, as she mentored him while working at a prestigious law firm at the time and saw him as a brilliant yet eccentric opposite, placing him in squarely the friend zone. Not the "Oh, I'll put him on the back burner" friend zone, but the land of no return friend zone. She even tried to hook him up with other friends.
However, the universe was not having that, and after some more time of friendship, fun, and getting acquainted with each other's true selves and values, the two came to recognize the spark that had been ignited between them.
Michelle explained live at her Boston book tour stop recently:
"Falling in love all over the place. I fell hard and fast and deep and quick, but we still didn't marry until we got to know each other...So by the end of that summer, Barack had told me that he loved me. Brothas, another thing, do not play games! He wasn't playing games."
She continued:
"That was another thing! He was like, 'I love you, let's figure this out.' It wasn't like, 'Well, I'm trying to do these kinds of things.' Trust me, I had plenty of that, people just trying to keep their options open. I was sick of that. Barack was like, 'Nope, this is who I am, this is what I think we want. Let's give it a shot.' He was clear, gentlemen. He. Was. Clear."
There you have it, ladies! While you are trying to act like you didn't hear the part when your crush says, "I'm not looking for anything serious," or "I would love to see where this goes," Michelle says you shouldn't let a man get the best of you when he already gave a clear indication that he wants to keep his options open.
It is tempting to wag a finger at men and tell them to stop playing games, however, the true power lies in your decision to not let a man come into your life and play games with you, unapologetically. That does not make you difficult, high maintenance, or unrealistic; it makes you a high value woman with expectations a virtuous man will break his back to meet.
Michelle also dropped this additional piece of dating advice for women:
"High bar, ladies. High bar. Keep your bar high. Because it's hard enough with a high bar, it's hard. So you don't want to start making huge, huge compromises in who you are and how you want a man or a partner to show up in your life. And I think it helped that I wasn't looking. That I wasn't thirsty. That I was pushing him off a little bit and he had to work a bit."
Michelle's 'bar' was so high because she was not looking for completion, but she was open to elevation.
As a Harvard Law graduate with a leadership role at her firm and a life dedicated to her evolution as a woman, it was easy for her to make the distinction between a placeholder and a potential husband.
Relationships thrive off of the compromise of both partners, however, make sure not to get too weak in the knees too quickly, when you think you've met a 'Barack'.
Focus on yourself, how you feel around this new interest, and how he adds value to your life with new insights and experiences. Don't be fooled by charm, don't base all your feelings off how consistent he may be at the moment, and bet on yourself. Trust your gut and your judgment of his intentions. Don't be afraid to slow things down a bit in order to re-center yourself. And make sure to check that friend zone of yours one more time, you might just find a diamond in the rough.
Listen to Michelle's advice here.
Feature image by Scott Olson/Getty Images
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Eva Marcille Gets Real About Having To Rediscover Herself Following Divorce: 'I’m Not The Wife Anymore'
Eva Marcille is on the road to rediscovery following her divorce from Michael Sterling. The former couple was married for almost five years and share three children together, including the model’s eldest daughter, Marley Rae, whom Michael helped raise. The divorce has had a profound effect on her, which caused her to lose weight.
She received a lot of criticism for her weight loss following a photo she posted on Instagram, which resulted in her turning off the comments. During her recent appearance on the Tamron Hall Show, Eva spoke about the negative comments and life after divorce.
“I went through a divorce last year. Anyone who’s been through a divorce knows that divorce is hard. It’s like the stomach flu; you will be skinny afterward. If you drop a 200 lb person, you’re gonna drop at least 30 lbs,” she explained. “So, for me, I lost weight just naturally going through life, and I found myself depressed before my divorce, through my divorce, trying to just navigate and rediscover who am I.
“I’m not the wife anymore, not someone’s someone. I’m someone’s mom, but if I took the mom away, if I took Madam (her All The Queen’s Mencharacter) away, if I took Top Model away, like who is Eva? Who am I? And making sure that I prioritize knowing that character and building that.”
While the actress never specified why she ended her marriage to Michael, court documents said their marriage was “irretrievably broken” and “there are no prospects for a reconciliation.” Talking to Tamron, Eva shared that she is still hurting.
“This was my forever. My parents were married for 42 years, my grandparents died two months apart, like marriage forever, all my aunts and uncles, all my brothers are married. I’m like the black sheep,” she said. “It’s just, it was different, and the words hurt. What I can say is though I will be positive, I will find my cup half full always, it still hurts. It does.”
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Feature image by Derek White/Getty Images