How Disagreements About Money Can Ruin Relationships
It's no secret that money is the most popular reason couples split, but what is it about money that causes such a major rift that we're willing to say goodbye to someone we thought we would be with for life? Why isn't it infidelity or even religion a reason?
It's just something about money and the motives behind it that are enough to cause this huge divide more than anything else. It's a powerful thing, that dollar bill, and most of us just want to be able to have control over the money we've worked so hard to earn. So when it looks like someone is infringing on that, there's an issue.
From being raised differently to keeping secrets, money alone isn't the reason people are going their separate ways. It's clearly deeper than that. Read on to learn more about how money comes between an otherwise thriving relationship.
You Were Brought Up Differently
Thankfully, I can say that my husband and I were raised the same way concerning money, and any lack thereof. So we're definitely on the same page when it comes to how important it is to save and spend money in ways that we see as smart. Still, whether you were raised learning about money or it was a topic that was never discussed in your home, there's still a reason you see money the way that you do; much of it has to do with the household you grew up in.
Whether you're the girl who came up from poverty and made a promise to yourself to never look back, or you were raised never having to worry about money and want to keep that lifestyle, one way isn't better than the other. But if your partner was brought up differently, it only makes sense for there to be some friction there.
You Have Different Views Of Money
Our upbringing has an influence on how we view money, but having different perspectives about it is only asking for there to be some serious issues. I was literally just talking to my friend this week who is all about saving, planning, budgeting, and all that responsible jazz. Her boyfriend on the other hand has the motto YOLO when it comes to finances. Because of their differences, among other things, she doesn't feel comfortable doing anything serious with him when it comes to money and wants to keep it all separate for as long as possible. Again, one way isn't necessarily right or wrong, and balance is the major key. Having different opinions about money and refusing to budge will create inevitable problems that you might not be able to bounce back from.
You Keep Secrets About It
This one is kind of hazy because at what point does your financial status become anyone else's business? Of course, you want to make sure someone has the same financial values as you do before things get serious, but when do you actually have this conversation? I think most of us have different perceptions on this one. And then there's the whole question of, what if that person isn't completely honest? This can include lying about everything from their credit score to how much they make, or even downplaying a serious financial problem that's bound to be exposed at any given moment.
Having a secret account for "a rainy day" is nothing out of the ordinary, and I don't even think it's wrong. But this issue goes further than just lying about money. Like most of the points in this article, the question is why? Why lie, or keep it a secret? My thought would be that trust is a major issue, which goes way deeper than the dollar bill.
You Make More
Look, despite the current political and racial climate in this country, we don't live in the 1950s anymore. Still, there are plenty of men (and women) out there who have an issue if their partner makes more than they do. Clearly I'm not a man, but what I do know is that for some, it can trigger their insecurity and cause them to question their status as a provider in the home. So while the issue on the surface is going against tradition, the real problem could be how he feels as a man. If you find yourself constantly battling with your guy over money because you make more, maybe try to find other ways to show him he's still man enough for you.
You Want To Adopt The Control Factor
One of the first things I had to learn when I got married was that when it comes to money, we're a team. I had my own way of doing things and so did he, but ultimately, we had to somehow compromise if we were going to work it out. I'm not against having separate accounts and ish, but that just wasn't the track we wanted to take.
This was really difficult for me because I can be really controlling over money. I have that "It's my money and I want it now!" mindset from those J.G. Wentworth commercials, but we eventually came to the compromise that I had just as much control over our money as he did. It was really hard for me to let go because I felt like he was kind of irresponsible, but in reality, it was just different and not as frugal.
Even though it's still tempting to take the reins because I think I know what's best, seeing our finances as a joint venture is what has helped us to not disagree on money. There are plenty of other things to argue about.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage