Managing Your Money: What They Don’t Teach In School
Let's talk money.
I grew up in a single parent household and was lucky enough to not only have a supermom but also a business savvy mom. In school we are taught all that we need to pass exams, but these lessons don’t include personal finance. Most people get into the real world and have no concept of money management or where to even begin.
I have a thirst for knowledge in this area and a passion for sharing what I know to encourage others to take money management and personal finance seriously. When it comes to money management, there’s nothing better than knowing your bills are paid, your savings is growing, and you have some extra funds to “do you.” If you haven’t gotten started just yet or would like to add on to what you are currently doing, here are some tips to jump-start the process:
1) Visualize what you are working with!
Have you ever heard people say that they are visual learners? Well, I consider myself one. Keeping an excel sheet is a bit old school but I love the flexibility in changing numbers, using formulas, and the ease of sitting at my laptop and being able to see all my funds at once. Depending on your pay schedule, list out which bills you plan to pay with what check. After you add these things up, subtract from your net pay and what's left over, you can play with! Now if you are more tech savvy and prefer to have your budget at your fingertips, consider looking into apps such as Mint, which allows you to have convenient access through your smartphone. Remember, the key to budgeting is to track your spending! By doing so, you’ll know where to cut back and where you have room to wiggle.
2) Don't forget to pay yourself.
Although we can get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, there’s nothing like knowing you have some “tuck-away” funds. Before you do anything additional with your money, put away a set amount of funds into your savings account. Make saving a priority; don’t wait until you’ve spent most of your money and only save what’s left. “The goal of paying yourself first is to help make sure your future self’s key financial goals are covered, including building up an emergency fund, contributing to retirement and saving for any other long-term goals (Forbes).”
3) Have a savings account that is not tied to your primary bank account.
We all know the saying “robbing Peter to pay Paul.” This is exactly what happens when we co-mingle our funds, so to speak. You say to yourself you’re going to save $100 a check but once you start getting down to the last few dollars in your checking account, you start to slowly dip into your savings. How come? Because it's so easy. All you have to do is transfer the money and it’s immediately available. A solution for this would be to keep your "real" savings separate. I opened a savings account with a completely different bank and chose not to get a debit card for it. The best part of this account you ask? It takes three days to transfer money into your checking account. By the time you would receive the money, guess what? Those shoes or that bag isn’t so important.
There's also Digit. This free website and app studies your financial moves and automatically transfers money from your bank account to your Digit Account. They will send you daily, fun texts with updates of your balances and transfers. You can choose to save more, pause savings or withdrawal your money via text as well. Your money is FDIC insured and they have a no-overdraft guarantee.
4) Know Your Debt. Then, Knock It Off!
Make it your business to know what's out there in your name! Lots of people get duped for being uninformed. You can and most certainly will be penalized for not paying bills in your name, even if you knew nothing about them. Pull your credit report, everything you need to know will be included. Next, make a list of your debt from the smallest amount to the greatest and start knocking them off one by one. Each time you finish one, take the extra money and apply it toward the next debt. As you begin to see your debt decrease, you will feel motivated to keep going.
5) Did somebody say rainy day?
Now I'm sure we all know how it feels to get caught in the rain without an umbrella! The same applies to unforeseen circumstances that may leave you in a bind and needing some quick funds. Most financial advisors recommend having at least 3-6 months of living expenses saved. Yes, you heard me right, 3-6 months and that includes rent, monthly debt payments, and whatever other obligations you have to take care of. For some of us when we add that up, that number can scare us so I recommend starting small. According to financial author Dave Ramsey, an emergency fund of $1k is a good place to start. Set a plan, take your time and you'll get there. Once you reach that $1k goal, set small goals to get yourself to that 3-6 month cushion. “You cannot expect victory and plan for defeat” (Joel Osteen). Small victories are better than none!
6) It's never too early to start saving for retirement.
Unfortunately, by the time many of us retire, the social security program may be depleted. This is one less source of income a retiree will have to look forward to. Don’t let this discourage you, take advantage of the many options that are available to you. More often than not, we may approach situations with the “we have time” mind frame. Well honey, time flies and when it comes to investing, the earlier you contribute, the greater your return. Contact the HR rep for your employer and see what options are available to you (ex: 401(k) or pension). If your job doesn't provide you with options or you prefer to do your own thing, look into options such as a Roth or Traditional IRA. Doing your research is key; then go with the best option for your financial situation. There’s a huge misconception that you should wait until you make more money to save. This couldn’t be more inaccurate. As you get older, in most cases you have more responsibility (kids, spouse, mortgage, etc.) and these things will be just additional reasons for why you can’t save. Bottom line is it may never “feel” like the right time. Start saving now!
7) Your Credit Score…Know It!
The dreaded score that gets ruined before you realize its importance and why you need it. I got my first credit card in college. My mom warned me about how debt can easily add up but at that age I didn’t care. All I knew was that some bank was crazy enough to give me a credit card. Fast forward to now, I play no games when it comes to my credit and paying my bills on time. I’ve even gone as far as to not carry any credit cards in my wallet. Here and there I may carry one for emergencies but I hate to be tempted by that bag or those shoes! If you haven't already, pull your credit report on FreeCreditReport.com at least once a year. Go over it thoroughly, make a plan to pay outstanding balances, and dispute any charges that are erroneous or unwarranted. This report and your score speak to your credit worthiness; it could be the determining factor of whether you get that fabulous house or not.
8) Don’t be Pimped by Your Life!
Many times we get stuck being in situations we despise because we don’t see a way out. This goes for relationships, jobs, business ventures, etc. Having security, a cushion, or being stable could mean the difference between leaving that job you hate and following your dreams or staying at that 9-5 because you have no money saved up and need to make ends meet. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a 9-5, that’s what I do now. Let’s keep it real, many of you desire more or if given the opportunity would be doing something else. The only constant in life is change, so be prepared. Now when that unplanned event happens or you just wake up one day and want to jump ship; you will be ready! A lot of what I included in this article is just a snippet of how good money management can lead to financial freedom. As a result, financial freedom can lead to a greater quality lifestyle.
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Have your finances ever been in shambles? What are some steps that you took to get back on the right track?
Germeen is a NYC auditor pressing her way through the jungle gym known as corporate America. Her thirst for adventure has been proven by the stamps on her passport and her hunger for new experiences is demonstrated in her commitment to live life to the fullest. She is a self-proclaimed control freak and personal finance enthusiast somewhere overdosing on life.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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