Making Love To Self: The Benefits Of Masturbation
I don't know how readily people often admit that they masturbate.
I just remember while growing up that for a long time, masturbation was something I kept a secret even before I knew what it was called or why I felt inclined to do it or why I felt so exhilarated after. I do remember, however, a clear distinction in how proudly a man spoke about jacking off. He could joke about it and was even advised to do it as a means to last longer when he finally became sexually active. But on the flip side, as a woman, I wasn't really allowed to talk about it. In fact, I didn't realize it could be something heralded until an ex enjoyed watching me as I did it.
But that's something that I notice a lot about women and our bodies, it is okay to be a vessel for sexuality for the male consumption, but not our own and in our own way. I guess you can tell that masturbation means a lot to me. My weapon of choice is my handy dandy six-speed vibrator I picked up from Starship (might need to upgrade my life soon though)! It not only taught me about what I love done to my body, but also gave me a release when others could not.
In addition to those two things, here are some benefits of making love to self, aka masturbation if you're nasty. ;)
It Relieves Sexual Tension
Sexual tension is a dirty, pretty thing. It's intense, it's compelling, and sometimes it makes you believe that you want something you might not really truly want. Sometimes you do really truly want it, but the tension or build up is far better than the actual pay off. Why cross that line when you're not really sure either way? Being sexual does not mean having sex with anybody.
You can be selective even while ravenous, and masturbation helps to clear up any uncertainty you might have towards a member of the opposite sex and your attraction towards them. In addition to relieving sexual tension between two people, it is also a very good stress reliever by stimulating the body's ability to produce endorphins, which helps with stress and pain.
It Promotes Sexual Health
I cannot tell you how many times masturbation has come in handy as it relates to my ability to have self control. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dog humping at whatever leg is within my reach, but there have been times that I've gone on dates and felt so attracted to my date, that I was like, “Hmmm, even though this isn't going anywhere, let me throw caution to the wind and just go to Poundtown with this dude." But, I didn't. I refrained because I was like, what's the point in having sex with this guy I'm not even the least bit interested in aside from this free meal? So I kept in mind the fact that me and my vibrator could have a hell of a time later on that night without the messiness of bringing a completely new sex partner into the mix.
The less partners you have, the less risky your sexual behaviors. Masturbating means you can open your legs and keep it tight at the same time. It's also form of safe sex while abstaining (for those who wish to abstain).
Develops Sexual Identity
Masturbation is typically the first sexual experience a person has. And with all this talk of love yourself first, it seems rather fitting. Men can use it to help prolong the arrival of their orgasms, while women can use masturbation as a way to guide them to achieving theirs. Although a vaginal orgasm is very possible, the clitoral stimulation that we learn during our solo acts can very well be a catalyst to how we orgasm with future partners. You're able to learn which parts of you tingle when you touch it and can be adventurous in your journey with yourself through the use of toys. Masturbating is a great way to learn your body, what works for you, and what doesn't.
It Feels Damn Good
This benefit is rather self-explanatory but it ought to be said. I love the human and connection aspect that comes with having sex with someone, however, I love the way I know myself and my body like no one ever will – and that in itself can be a stimulant while masturbating as well. If I wanted to, I could get myself there in three minutes – that's how in tune with my own body I am.
An orgasm is one of those feelings that are hard to rival. And you haven't lived until you've mutually masturbated. It's one thing to watch yourself touch someone, but to watch that someone touch themselves? One of the sexiest things I've ever endured in my life. Try it tonight if you haven't already. It's a beautiful and intense experience.
Do you masturbate? Do you view it as more of an experience to be savored or as a chore? Hands or toys? Share below.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Between the rise of the creator economy and the gig economy, the window of opportunity to leverage your creativity for long-term gain has never been more potent.
For the last four years, I’ve worked as a full-time freelance writer and content creator. A year into this journey, I knew that if I wanted to create a sense of structure around my life outside of a traditional 9-5, I would have to create it.
To my surprise, that came in the form of social media.
Now, you might be wondering how someone might be able to juggle their work in a creatively-dominant career like writing while still having the mental capacity to produce ideas for their own personal brand, and well, that answer didn’t come easily.
In 2021, I hit a wall with writing and content creation.
With the stress and uncertainty that came as a result of the pandemic, to being burned out from having to live off my creativity, I reached a breaking point. For me, writing was always a space to explore my thoughts, process heavy topics, and express concepts that only words could bring reason to. However, when I didn’t have the brainpower to write or create content, I knew it was time to set parameters around my hobby of content creation and my passion for storytelling.
In this case, the biggest challenge was finding the balance between the two by releasing the guilt and shame of taking a break from both in order to reconnect with them.
Through years of trial and error, the fog finally cleared, and I was able to hit my stride in 2023. From garnering over 10K followers on TikTok, building an Instagram community around lifestyle and creative encouragement, along with my wellness collective, Black Girl Playground, and writing for xoNecole as a lifestyle contributor, the creative juices have been flowing steadily.
And it all happened by creating a strategy that allowed space for planning, resting, and creating. Today, I’ll be sharing my top tips to help you find your balance between your side hustle and passions.
On staying inspired and motivated when working on various content creation and freelancing projects:
Early this year, I came to the bright conclusion that I needed to shorten the gap between ideation and execution — and it completely changed how I create.
Oftentimes, when we have an idea come to us, we let it sit for too long, and then before we know it, we’ve either lost the enthusiasm to put it into action, or someone else grabs it. If you want to stay in a flow of creativity, whether side projects or full-time work, it’s important to not get slowed down by self-doubt, procrastination, or perfectionism.
Give yourself permission to act on your ideas as they come to you. Even if they’re a little muddy or not “perfect,” you can always fine-tune them later.
@yagirlaley shrinking the gap between [ideation] + [execution] 🧠💡#fyp #creativeadvice
On the importance of choosing a niche:
If there’s one thing that has helped me balance my work as a writer and content creator, it’s putting each in its own niche (or category). By definition, a niche is a specialized segment of the market or a specific area of expertise.
When you are creating in the same niche that you’re also making a living in, that’s an easy way to get your wires crossed. And at times, this could lead to feeling as if you don’t have any ideas for yourself because you’ve given them to the other area you're juggling.
When balancing two, you want to have enough fresh ideas to give to your personal projects and your full-time work to avoid any overlap. This ensures that your personal creative vision isn’t compromised when working on client projects while still having some for yourself.
On the strategies that have helped to maintain a consistent workflow in both areas:
I can’t stress enough how important it is to create a workflow and structure for yourself as a freelancer — this applies to those with a 9-5 in the day and a 5-9 at night, too.
As someone who admittedly has ADHD tendencies, object permanence can sometimes create a block in time and project management. That’s why I encourage creatives and professionals to create systems that allow you to see the work that’s ahead of you.
Personally, I can’t live without having multiple calendars going at once. My Google calendar keeps track of interviews for articles and events, while my physical calendar helps me keep track of important dates. I also work out of an Excel sheet where I can log in ongoing stories and track their status from drafting to submission. I’ve also heard great things about the Notion app for planning and tracking.
When it comes to creating content, spending time doing bulk content days has been an asset to my creative workflow. When I complete the videos, I save them to my drafts and upload them as needed.
Credit: Amberita
Courtesy of the writer
On the best advice for someone who is considering pursuing both content creation and freelancing simultaneously:
Don’t be ashamed of taking a break and resting — because both are essential to the life of a creative. Last month, I returned to Instagram after taking 6 months off from posting. During that time, I worked on growing my TikTok page, using the platform to practice vulnerability and allowing myself to put the fun back into creating content. Without the time, I can’t say I’d be able to approach Instagram with the same ease and playfulness; but thanks to that time away, it was possible.
Resting, letting our minds wander, or simply doing nothing are all just as productive as creating. No one can produce at all times, we have to allow ourselves the space for new concepts and ideas to flow to us. In addition to that, when we take breaks from social media, it allows us to stop the wheel of comparison and consume more than we create. So if you feel like you’re in a creative rut with all you want to balance, it may be time to take a step back, unapologetically.
Your creativity will thank you for it.
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Featured image by Sir Taylor