Radio Host Tracy G On Changing Careers 3 Times: "I've Never Been A Slave To A Job Title"
The sweltering sun is playing hide-and-seek in lower Manhattan this afternoon as Tracy G. approaches a makeshift bench in front of her alma mater Pace University.
In this moment, the on-air edutainer fuses seamlessly with scattering students swinging doors to and fro as they make their way around the city campus. The average passerby doesn't speculate that the woman clad in all black fitness attire is Tracy G., the woman who lends her voice to the masses every weekday morning beside radio giant Sway Calloway and hip-hop aficionado Heather B. on SiriusXM.
"A lot of times in radio, people think you are a full-time extrovert, but I don't want to talk all the time," the Sway In The Morning co-host admits with respect to her incognito outfit of the day. Yet, before sneaking in a few lone hours to work on her wellness brand She's Beauty And The Beast, Tracy G. graciously scribbles me into her schedule to take a trip down memory lane.
Before stepping foot on Pace University's campus as a freshman, the one-time aspiring fashion designer loosened her grip on fleeting runway dreams during a trial-and-error semester at the Fashion Institute of Technology. She suddenly realized--as many young adults do--that her mother's reservations were not out of sync with the truth. This was not her calling. "I literally hollered at Google as my life coach at the time, and I put in 'writing, entertainment industry, sales and talking,' and I came up with this term 'public relations,'" she recalls of the first of three career changes to unfold in her life.
The Brooklyn native got to work immediately after transferring to Pace, landing a myriad of internships in her field throughout the breadth of her collegiate journey. Then, the summer before her senior year, a New York Women in Communications panel threw a dart in her unsuspecting plans. A full-time job offer at a renowned PR firm was on the table, but a burgeoning fervor for journalism relentlessly vied for her attention, prompting her to reevaluate her next move. "When I was literally holding a tangible piece of my dream in my hands, I realized this is not it," Tracy G. reflects. "I wanted my loyalty to be to the people rather than to the product."
Tommy T Photography
As graduation day loomed ahead, Tracy incorporated journalism courses including a graduate class with former ESSENCE Managing Editor Denolyn Carroll, fittingly titled "Writing for Magazines," into her scheme while closing the deal on a spring internship with VIBE after her friend, who completed the program in the fall, put in a good word for her.
"VIBE was very intense," she says, accentuating each word. “This boss a** lady Shirea [Carroll] remolded you into someone of use." The respect for her former internship coordinator, then the executive assistant to former VIBE Editor-in-Chief Danyel Smith, is evident as she gushes with a smile and good-hearted laughter at the flashback.
While she managed to win Carroll over, Tracy understood that she couldn't delude herself into thinking one favorable impression was enough to turn her internship into a promising career. "I'm always just looking at how I can maximize the opportunity that's been presented to me," she begins. "I literally had informationals with everyone there because I was like if I'm ever going to get a job, it can't just be one person vouching for me."
As she collected a grand jar of gems from top-dog journalists within and outside of VIBE (for the first time on record, she discloses she once compiled a list of her favorite writers' email addresses when left to assume assistant duties at Caroll's desk for an hour), she didn't neglect to build relationships with the hopeful scribes she rubbed shoulders with every day. "Often when we're in the infancy stages of our career, we forget that our peers and the people we're interning with are probably going to make it into positions alongside us."
Though her revelation certainly would assist her on the cusp of a career shift to radio years later, a semester at VIBE didn't result in a hiring opportunity as quickly as the spirited intern had hoped. "I was devastated. I melted into a sour puddle of shame," she proclaims as she transports back in time to rehash her immediate reaction to the disheartening news. In a meteoric flash, she re-enters her charismatic, self-assured realm of being.
Tommy T Photography
"What kind of biography would it be if everything went my way?" she asks, shutting the door on the recollection. "It's not going to resonate."
Instead of shriveling in defeat, the rising writer, once exclusively known as Tracy Garraud, tirelessly pushed her pen and landed bylines in Honey, Complex and XXL before returning to her home base. "Eventually, because the universe has a hell of a sense of humor, it turns into me getting a position at VIBE full circle." The former full-time editor describes her relationship with writing as a monogamous one during her tenure under Editor-in-Chief Jermaine Hall. "I wake up to find myself cuddling with my freaking MacBook," she confesses. “Writing was my everything."
It's not hard to think what happened as Tracy details the untainted love she once had for her craft. "I was around so many f**king brilliant brains," she says of her team as she flips through the highs of her work environment before answering my unexpressed inquiry about the hurdles that got in the way. "I felt like I was a leg on the clickbait monster," she muses without a hint of animosity in her tone. "We all evolve. I've never been a slave to a job title because if anything happens to that title, your whole identity can crumble."
She began toying with the idea of closing her chapter at the legacy publication, a decision she made official in November 2011, once an untapped passion crept out of the shadows of her comfort zone. "I love the art of communication and humanizing people. I like finding the thread that connects me to you and us to the width of the world so radio started calling me."
The year that followed proved to be arduous, however, as she attempted to transfer her skills to the microphone. "It's not like I had Sway Calloway's number on speed dial," she says of her start in radio business, which took form when she co-hosted a short-lived podcast for clothing brand LRG with fellow Pace graduate Shine Travis. She admits the venture was a gamble at the time, considering podcasts had yet to reach their spike in popularity. "I'm not hard on myself if I did my best. If I did my best, and it doesn't work out, that's when I really have to lean on my faith because my life is a collaboration with God."
Tommy T Photography
A chance encounter with music industry insider Amber Ravenel at a Carol Daughter's event fueled her efforts before she could get trapped in a web of uncertainty. "I never told her anything about radio," she reveals in reference to the woman who connected her with SiriusXM Program Director Reggie Hawkins. This was her shot, but the winning buzzer didn't sound off until October 2012, when she finally landed her gig at Sway In The Morning after months of pitching ideas, auditioning and following up.
"You have to humble yourself and say I'm at the bottom of the totem pole so it's my responsibility to keep up this relationship because they're at the top of my to-do list. I'm not at the top of theirs," she says of her unshakable go-getter mindset.
On the day of our meeting, Tracy G. is gearing up to release #TeamYesSleep, a "turn down alarm" for the millennial woman who needs a gentle but firm reminder to indulge in necessary me-time before going to bed at night. It's one of the many good-for-the-soul finds on She's Beauty And The Beast.
Since its inception last year, the brand has been crossing the bridge from passion project to entrepreneurial business, but Tracy G. clarifies that she didn't set out to create a side hustle for the mere sake of having something to call her own. "My brain was in a really f**king cloudy place, and I needed to figure out how to perform self-therapy."
She immersed herself in the healing force of audio vision boards after tuning into a Joel Osteen sermon where the acclaimed televangelist challenged his congregation to craft 10 empowering affirmations that would renew their psyches.
Tommy T Photography
"I don't write basic sh*t," the self-proclaimed personal development junkie reminds me. "I write as if something is going to be plastered on somebody's wall."
Her first EP Love, Light and That Good Sh*t, chock full of affirmations like her personal favorite, “I will not forget my blessings when faced with my burdens," is not only a testament to her unfailing, yet ever-evolving relationship with her pen, but also a reflection of her decision to embrace the power of her voice. "I've been able to understand my voice as an instrument and as a match to light someone's fire," she says when staring at the sum of her career trajectory's various parts.
It's the reason why, weeks after our sit down, she launched She's Beauty And The Beast: The Podcast with Tracy G. "I'm still flesh, bones and blood," she tells me of her initial reservations to add her weekly series to a mounting pile of podcasts on the Internet. "I'm not going to escape certain feelings so when me and these feelings meet on the block, it's just a matter of do I invite them in or do I keep it moving?"
In the name of emotional empowerment, she drops new episodes every Tuesday that unveil her life theories, experiences and conversations with guest voices. "So many people go through similar events in life, but they tell the story differently," she adds. "There's so many more topics I want to explore, and there's so many more opinions, ideas and expertise that I want to share from other dope a** humans that's not necessarily coming from my own lens on life."
Although Tracy G. is far beyond her wide-eyed intern days at VIBE, she's in no hurry to quit being a student in the world of entertainment.
“You're fighting your own expiration date of relevancy when you are focused more on quantity versus quality," she says while addressing alternative--and often quick--roads to success in an era where social media and reality TV prevail.
“People have different agendas, and they're allowed to have that."
As far as her story goes, she's content with not taking shortcuts to lasting influence. "I'm doing the best in the role that I'm in, but I can't even begin to act as if I'm on the same level as a Sway Calloway. Me saying that would be saying I don't have any more to learn."
While we prepare to part ways, I finally decipher the tattoo etched on Tracy G.'s left wrist--Carpe Diem. It's a principle--seize the day--that she has unarguably weaved throughout her approach to life's fluctuating winds. "I don't want to be in a state of perfection because you don't grow there," she says, twisting the lid on our hour-long conversation. “I want to be a partner in progression with people."
For more Tracy G., find her here, here, & here.
Shanice Davis is a proud alumna of Howard University who earned her BA in English in May 2016. The emerging writer currently contributes to VIBE Magazine. Follow her on Instagram & Twitter: @alwayshanice
Shanice Davis is a writer from New York, dedicated to illuminating women of color and Caribbean culture with her pen. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter: @alwayshanice.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by CoffeeAndMilk/Getty Images