Olympian Lolo Jones: "I've Never Had Sex"
First comes love, then comes marriage, and I'm sure we all know the rest of the story. Disney movies and cheesy rom-coms have successfully convinced us all that this process should be easy and painless as long as we're good people. The problem with this logic is, that's not always how it works in the digital age for all women.
Although we're taught by elders and members of the church that our bodies are sacred and that sex should be saved for marriage, it makes me wonder a little. Is marriage really even worth the wait? According to Lolo Jones, 36-year-old Olympic competitor bobsledder, reality TV star, and virgin, the answer is "yes."
The athlete has always been vocal about her religious background and choice to stay abstinent until marriage, and it's a promise to her future husband that she plans to keep. On the latest season of Celebrity Big Brother, the Olympian opened up to her fellow cast members about her choice.
According to Lolo, although she's shared a mutual attraction with men, none have yet to make it past the dating stages:
"I like a ton of people, it just doesn't work out."
She shared that in the past, even pro-athletes and celebrities have failed to make the cut. It's hard to believe that a woman as beautiful, talented, and successful as Lolo can be just as clueless as we are when it comes to the dating game, but it's hard out here for a Christian. She said:
John Lamparski/WireImage
"Trust me, I've tried every occupation. I don't know why God hasn't blessed me with my husband."
Despite her lack of luck in the dating world, Lolo says that her motivation comes from keeping faith in God. We've all heard of Steve Harvey's infamous "90-day" rule, but the stakes are much higher when it comes to holding out until marriage. The reality star said that the thought of "the wait" is enough to send a number of potential partners packing:
"Another reason why I'm probably single is because I've never had sex and guys do not want to wait for girls. When I tell them that, a lot of them either think I'm lying, so then they hang out and then they're like, 'Oh, she was telling the truth.' Or there's the ones that think it's a challenge. And then they realize, 'Oh, literally I'm gonna have to marry her' – and then they exit."
Celebrities like Lolo and Insecure's Yvonne Orji prove that the wait really can be sexy, but it can also be very difficult.
I think most of us can remember our first time and how awkward, weird, and truly unforgettable it was, and honestly, I wouldn't mind a re-do. My first sexual experience was regrettable, to say the least, but I believe that it was mostly because sex was something I was not quite mature enough to handle at 17 years old, and hell, sometimes I wonder if it's something I can handle at 25. Even though I understand that I'm only made better through my experiences (even the really, really bad ones), I can't be the only one who wonders what life would have been like if my first and only sexual partner was my husband.
On one hand, our sexual incompatibility could have the potential to ruin our marriage before it even starts, but on the other, would I even know it's not good if I hadn't shared the experience with anyone else? Here's what Lolo had to say about it:
"Well for me, it's gonna be good, 'cause I don't have a comparison."
Real sh*t, Lolo.
The athlete says she has no fears about her wedding night, but the groom better damn sure be worth the wait. She told fellow cast members:
"I will not compromise on my morals and this is an amazing gift I'm giving to my husband so he better damn well be worth it."
What do you think about abstinence before marriage? Sound off in the comments!
Featured image by John Lamparski/WireImage
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images