I’m Considering Living Happily Married Under Two Separate Roofs
Like many young women, I often find myself thinking about marriage, complete with the white picket fence and other cliches that you see in chick flicks. However, while dreaming of the perfect life with my husband, I often wonder if it's even in my destiny to be married and enjoy my happily ever after under one roof with someone else.
I've always liked being to myself in my own space, doing my own thing. I'd get irritated when anyone (including my parents) would just come casually into to my room to chit chat if I wasn't in the mood or if my friends would want to hang out in my house after school when I'd much rather go home, eat snacks and watch The Tyra Banks Show.
As a small child, I wouldn't even ask for help with my homework from anyone; I'd much rather figure it out by myself and enjoy the one part of the day that I got to spend alone. I've never even shared a dorm room with someone in college for goodness sakes. For me, personal space has always been a must.
These feelings intensified, as I got older, especially in my last relationship. Though we did not live together, being under the same roof for an extended amount of time (usually just a few days to a few weeks) led to utter disaster, especially when it was my space that we were sharing. Around the third day of our very temporary cohabitation, I'd become irritated by everything he did. His messy habits, loud snoring, bad taste in television programming, and anything else he did was more than enough to take me over the edge.
Years into this relationship, as we began to spend more time together under one roof, I began to question if the big house with the white picket fence and beautiful front yard is something that I realistically wanted and could handle. Or did I truly just like the idea of it? Don't judge me, but there have been times that I've cried, not because of my significant other getting on my nerves (if I even had one left at this point), but because I didn't understand or could even control feeling the way I did. How could I love someone and not stand being around them? If this is what comes along with marriage, it was time for me to reconsider.
Luckily for me, I'm not alone for once. There are millions of people that are in healthy, functioning Living Apart Together (LAT) relationships. A LAT relationship is one in which couples in long-term relationships or married choose to live separately. It's very different from a long-distance relationship for the simple fact that these couples can live miles or blocks away from one another, or sometimes even in the same apartment buildings. They spend time together when they can (usually evenings and weekends), but prefer to never live under one roof. After reading the New York Times article Living Apart Together last week, which was the topic of conversation amongst my colleagues, I began to dip deeper into this concept.
For obvious reasons, this sort of lifestyle is more suitable for couples who don't have young children involved (though it happens), such as younger couples in serious relationships planning to get married one day, and older couples who have older children from past marriages and are pretty much set in their ways. It's now being seen in the U.S. primarily amongst young couples in their 20s and 30s, and couples age 55+, but has been a growing phenomenon in countries such as Britain, Sweden, and Canada for decades now.
I've watched my own mother and her boyfriend live a LAT lifestyle and never once considered it as an option for myself. She has been engaged in the past, but the tension that formed living under one roof was too much to bear and caused a major riff in the relationship. There are many reasons why LAT couples prefer this type of relationship and wouldn't change it unless it was absolutely necessary:
- The dynamics of a LAT relationship keeps the spontaneity in the relationship and the boredom out.
- More effort is usually put into things such as date nights because of the time that couple spend apart.
- Trivial arguments that sometimes may occur living under one roof leading to big blow ups don't occur.
- The passion in the relationship is continuously brewing naturally because of personal space.
Of course for any list of pros, there's a list of cons to accompany it. LAT couples also recognize that their choice of lifestyle lacks some things that would be found in a traditional cohabitation or a one-roof marriage:
- Trust is tested on a whole other level. Even though your significant other can cheat on you living in the same household, that space may give someone with underlying commitment issues even more free range to cheat.
- Living apart doesn't allow for the level of intimacy that typically exists in a traditional relationship. If you're having nightmare or had a bad day at work on a day away from you're partner, you're pretty much out of luck until you guys see each other again.
- If you care about not being the status quo, how others view your relationship may bother you.
Though I hope that with time I'll be able to feel comfortable with the idea of sharing a space with my partner and/or husband, I accept the fact that I may not be about that life. It's refreshing to know that there are alternatives for people much like myself. Of course, I could just suck it up and just go by what society tells us to do, but in all honestly, I feel every situation deserves its own solution; the solution to my desperate need of personal space possibly being a LAT relationship.
What are your personal feelings towards LAT relationships? Are they a recipe for disaster? Or is the traditional idea of marriage and relationships not made for everyone?
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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6 Flexible Entry-Level Remote Careers That Truly Require No Experience
It’s always frustrating when you’re new to the job market, transitioning into something new, or you’ve taken a few gap years to care for children, and a so-called entry-level opportunity actually requires experience. If you’ve just graduated from your program or you’ve been working in another field for years, how is this possible?
Well, there are job opportunities, according to the experts at FlexJobs, that require no experience and are perfect for those who are looking to make a change or are new to an industry or role. And many of these roles are fully remote, allowing you to make money while at home (or almost anywhere in some cases.)
Here are six remote jobs that require little to no experience to help you get an idea of where to start:
1. Administrative
According to FlexJobs, there’s a demand for virtual and executive assistants who can provide support to others using the transferable skills they’ve learned either working in another industry or that they’ve been trained to do in college or a trade school. These roles require “clear communication skills and efficiency will impress potential clients and employers.” And the fun factor: You can choose what type of company or type of assistance work you want to do, oftentimes can set your own hours, and if you find purpose in helping a visionary reach their vision, this is a hit.
2. Language & Translation
Working as a translator involves “translating verbal files into written documents, using video to interpret virtually, or proofreading and cleaning up translated files.” You can also use these skills in education or for corporate communications, so if you have certifications or you’re fluent in multiple languages, this might be a good fit.
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3. Social Media
We all know social media is here to stay, and there are lucrative ways to leverage. Brands and larger companies need passionate professionals to manage their pages, automate posts, or provide strategy, and while some professionals bring marketing degrees to these jobs, this industry is wide open for those who have skills in using popular platforms, videography, art direction, and creative voice.
4. Sales
For those who have worked in retail, have a natural gift of gab, or are motivated by the hustle, this career lane is a hit, especially when it comes to online sales jobs. Some entry-level sales positions involve working in a call center, but if you’re able to sell your transferable skills well, you can apply for sales jobs at various companies with experience from another field or a college degree from a CG in a call center environment and either taking inbound calls or making outbound calls in order to sell a product or service.
5. Customer Service
While this one can get a bad rap, it’s a great opportunity for someone looking for a change who loves serving others. Oftentimes, you can find gigs that are web-based, and several openings require no previous customer service experience. There’s also potential for growth and thriving in customer service if you’re great at sales and you land a gig at a company that rewards meeting goals every month or year. Skills in communication, typing, and professional conflict resolution are valuable in this field.
6. Travel & Hospitality
Jobs like being a travel agent allow you to help vacationers and corporate leaders alike plan, book, and troubleshoot trips, whether for business or pleasure. You can also find opportunities to work for a hotel or resort or even for small businesses that specialize in offering Airbnbs. For this job, you’ll typically need to have “good people skills and the ability to easily learn new software programs.”
Find out more about remote jobs where you need little to no experience via FlexJobs or follow them on Instagram.
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