How much are you really worth?
Do you know how much you should get paid based off of our skill set, previous work experience, and education? What about how much you should get paid based off of where you are located? If you didn't know, your location matters--it actually matters a lot.
Often times, we as Millennials do not understand or truly know our worth. We hunt for jobs, and eagerly accept an offer, and take any wage that is given to us. Since we fail at knowing what we are financially worth, we let companies do it for us. I don't know about you, but no one knows my value and worth better than I do!
Even more, sometimes we make the mistake and say that we are "open" and our salary requirements are negotiable before the negotiation period even starts! We communicate to the hiring manager that we are "open" to any salary because of 3 reasons:
1.) We are scared that if we go above and beyond and name a really high wage, we will turn the interviewer off, and they will automatically kick us out of the picture.
2.) We are scared that if we give a number that is low and get hired, we will ruin our chances of getting the highest salary that is available.
3.) We don't have a clue on what we should make, so we just roll with the punches.
Countless times I have seen people make the mistake of telling the recruiter that they would rather wait until later in the interview process to discuss salary. Doing so can annoy the recruiter, because sometimes getting an idea of the applicant's salary expectations upfront decreases the likelihood of wasting your time and the recruiter's time. For instance, if you are applying to a job as an Accountant and you already know that $65,000 a year is your minimum, you should communicate that. You never know, the budgeted salary for that position may be capped off at $45,000, and if the recruiter knows that your definite minimum is $65,000, he or she can let you know, and you will be able to move on.
If you are interviewing for a job, you should have your salary requirements already decided. Even more, before you even apply to the job, you should try to look for information online to see what someone with that position makes on average. If you don't take the time out to do this, you will be lost and will hastily throw out a number when the interviewer asks, "So what are your salary requirements?"
Or you may be like my friend and give out inconsistent salary requirements when asked by different interviewers in separate interviews. My friend was so eager to get a new job, but didn't do his salary research, so he was caught off guard when asked how much he was looking to get paid. #fail
[Related: Pass The Opportunity Please: Does It Always Pay To Negotiate?"
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Money is something that we all love, but feel awkward about when discussing it in an interview. Nonetheless, it is important for you to get over this fear and understand what your market value is before you interview for another job. You know what type of education that you have, what your work experience is, and what kind of skills that you possess--now it's time to find out how much people in your industry make. There are many resources online that can easily give you this information with the click of a button.
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On websites like glassdoor.com, payscale.com, indeed.com/salary, and salary.com, you can find a variety of salary ranges for various positions. If you are applying for a federal government job, you can find salary data on opm.gov.
As I mentioned earlier, location is very important when determining your salary requirements because of the cost of living in different states. For example, if you make $45,000 a year as a teacher in Texas you may be comfortable, but if you make the same as a teacher in New York or California, then you may struggle to pay your bills and put food on the table (especially if you're supporting a family off of your salary).
So when you are asked what are your salary requirements are, what should you do? Here are 4 things that you should consider doing when talking money with a future employer.
1). Do your research.
Before the interview, look on sites like Glassdoor or Payscale and see how much someone in that position within that company typically makes. Even if you cannot find the specific average salary for your desired position at that company, just knowing how much someone in that position makes in your geographic area is important. Both sites will allow you search based on the company, job position, and location--giving you a number of options to help ensure that you are asking for the right compensation.
2). Figure out what's all in it for you
Most companies offer some sort of compensation package with medical and dental insurance, vacation and sick time, and a 401K contribution. In many new start-up companies, especially in the tech field, perks such as tuition reimbursement, free or catered lunches, gym membership reimbursement, a pet-friendly environment, public transportation discounts, and more are given. Even in the industry that I work in, free housing and discounted gym membership is a given, depending on your site's location and the position that you have.
When you are figuring out what salary you should demand, look and see what is included in the total compensation package. For me, communicating that I would take a smaller salary than I desired was fine because I knew that the position that I was applying for would include free rent (all bills included!).
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3). Give a broad salary range
I always recommend giving the recruiter a salary range instead of a specific number. However, on the same note, make sure your salary range is something that you are comfortable with. The lowest number in your salary range should be an amount that you will not only be comfortable with, but would still allow you to pay bills and save. The highest number should be what you would like to make and is the highest amount that you think you should be paid. However, when you are determining what your salary range will be, make sure that your number is realistic. If you are applying to be an Office Manager and this position in your area typically makes $35,000-$45,000, don't go in and demand a salary of $65,000-$75,000, especially if you don't even make close to that right now.
4). Be ready to negotiate
When you finally get the job offer and the hiring manager tells you what they can offer, negotiate if the amount isn't pleasing. Do not be scared to open your mouth and ask for what you want, but of course, do so in a polite, strategic, and professional manner. The company has offered you the job, so obviously they want you. If you want to negotiate your salary, you can start off by saying something like, "Thank you for your offer, I am really excited to join the team. My only reservation is that the compensation is lower than what I expected and for my income needs. I was really expecting a salary of ____. Is this possible?" If you negotiate and it works, congrats! More money in the bank for you! If you try to negotiate and it doesn't work out, then at least you can say that you asked and didn't just take anything without putting up a fight first.
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In all occasions, ask and it shall be given. A closed mouth doesn't get fed. Speak up or shut up--and all of those other cliche sayings.
The next time when you are job hunting, make sure you know your worth and your market value. Determine this first before a company determines this for you.
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If you have any tips on answering the salary question, or have an interesting testimony, let us know below!
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A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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