Kim Porter Wore Many Hats, But Her Biggest One Of All Was Mother
Kim Porter was a lot of things: supermodel, girlfriend to two famous musicians, actress, and socialite. But to 2 boys and 2 girls, she was just "mom."
Many of us know her from her days modelling for the likes of Tommy Hilfiger and Revlon, or on the cover of fashion magazines like Elle and Marie Claire. You might even remember seeing her on the arm of Diddy back when hip-hop was beginning to rule the airwaves and affect the entirety of the world's culture. But the 47-year-old was more than just a pretty face. By all accounts, her presence lit up every room she entered and her grace and kindness outshined her stunning beauty.
Born in Columbus, Georgia, Porter eventually got her start in the modelling world when she moved to Atlanta after graduating from Columbus High School in 1988. Her first high-profile romance was with crooner Al B. Sure, and in 1991, she gave birth to her first son, Quincy. Shortly thereafter, she began an on-again, off-again relationship with Sean "Diddy" Combs that began in 1994 and lasted through 2007. Diddy adopted Quincy, and the pair welcomed another son, Christian (King Combs) in 1998 and twin daughters D'Lila Star and Jessie James in 2006.
While the couple never married, they were possibly the first celebrity couple to really display what co-parenting and blended families can look like: always spending the holidays together, wishing each other "Happy Birthday" and sending positive vibes each other's way via social media, and keeping a consistent environment for their kids.
The relationship between the two had its fair share of rumors and infidelity, but the love between the two was real. "Puff was in love with her from the first time he saw her," Andre Harrell told Essence back in 2007. "You could tell from the way he looked at her."
And as a mother, Diddy considered her the cream of the crop. He told Jet Magazine in 2008:
"Kim is an incredible mother to our children. We've been part of each other's lives for many years and I have always admired her courage and strength. We're the best of friends."
Her commitment to her role as a mother was always apparent. As most proud mothers do, we dote over each and every one of our kids, marvel at their success, and share intimate moments with our friends and family via social media.
But for Kim, while she seemingly kept a low profile after her modelling and acting career, she always made sure she was present in her children's lives, and the kids always let the world know how much they loved their mother. Despite her relationship not working out, she made sure to not only include their father in their lives, but that they remained close enough to maintain a loving and amicable relationship for the sake of the kids. In 2007, she told Essence:
"You know how when two people go their separate ways, most of the time there's animosity? It's not like that with us. Sean and I have this bond, this friendship. It's not about 'if you're faithful to me, if I'm being faithful to you.' We're friends. I'm the person he can tell his innermost thoughts to and he's that person for me. He still calls me everyday and we talk. There's no ill feeling or 'I can't stand you, I hate you, don't call.' There's none of that. We have three children together so that's just not an option. We're committed to our children even if we couldn't commit to each other."
According to TMZ, Porter was found unresponsive in her Toluca Lake home earlier this afternoon. There are reports that she was suffering from an undisclosed respiratory illness, but the cause of death has yet to be confirmed.
When the news broke, the outpouring of condolences followed. Rapper 50 Cent shared that "she was loved and will be missed dearly." Mase also shared that he "can't believe someone so special and contributed so much...I'm speechless."
Model Draya Michele shared that she had recently run into and hugged Porter and said that she "didn't even look like you were battling anything." Actress Keke Palmer also shared a heartfelt tribute, recalling a time where they lived very close to one another and that Porter would "tell me everything I needed to learn, never holding back and always keeping it fun."
This is a huge loss to the family. While many lost a friend and confidant, her four children are sadly without a mother. Few losses are greater than the loss of a parent at a young age, and our hearts go out to Quincy, Christian, D'Lila and Jesse.
Featured image by Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images