Janelle Monae On How Therapy & Love Helped Her Resolve Anger Issues
Since her debut in 2007, Janelle Monae has made it her mission to be a voice for the voiceless in the most unapologetic way. Her latest project, Dirty Computer, was a three-part project that offered her audience a breath of fresh air from her mysteriously elusive character that she so adamantly maintained in the past. Her latest work gave us a glimpse into her brilliantly masterminded vision of the future, which is of course doused in afro-futurism and flooded in vaginas.
Janelle Monae is black, queer, and here to stay.
The 32-year-old icon recently opened up about her fight against fear and her social obligation as a black woman with a platform in Trump's America. She told Allure that she made the decision to drop her mask and offer in her audience full transparency not for her own freedom, but for the freedom of the voiceless. She said:
"It's about all of us, all the people that at least I feel a responsibility to. I had to pick who I was comfortable pissing off and who I wanted to celebrate."
She said that the album was a direct response to our current leadership and the changes that we've seen under Trump's administration. Initially, Janelle had trouble channeling her emotions because the only thing she could really feel was anger.
"I will say that after this election, I dealt with a lot of anger. I dealt with a lot of frustrations, like many of us, when it came to the nonleader of the free world and that particular regime."
This anger manifested into feelings of animosity and fury because Janelle, like the rest of the black girl sorcery coalition, was tired of living in a society that subscribes to the idea that women are inferior.
Amanda Edwards/WireImage
"I felt it was a direct attack on us, on black women, on women, on women's rights, on the LGBTQIA community, on poor folks. I felt like it was a direct attack saying, 'You're not important. You're not valuable and we're going to make laws and regulations that make it official and make it legal for us to devalue you and treat you like second-class citizens or worse.' I got to the point where I stopped recording because I was just like, 'I'm going to make an angry album.'"
Her anger comes from a place of hurt, a narrative that is familiar among black American women. We live in a society that expects us to master each facet our identity with grace, and our strength is usually measured by how much abuse we can endure without breaking. Monae says that her celebrity does not exclude her from the injustices and crimes that black women face against our humanity every day.
"This is real-life shit that I'm having to deal with. You strip away the makeup, the costumes, and everything you know about Janelle Monáe the artist, and I'm still the African-American, queer woman who grew up with poor, working-class parents. When I walk off a stage, I have to deal with these confrontations. I have to deal with being afraid for my family."
Upon exploring her feelings with a therapist and having a heart-to-heart with Stevie Wonder, she found that the only way to win a war with hate, is to use love as your ammunition. She practiced this theology, and channeled it into her art.
"I was challenged. It's easy for me to just stay angry, but it's harder for me to choose love."
She realized then that her fight was not with government officials, but with fear.
She mastered her challenge in three parts, each detailing the phases from which she evolved to become the afro-futuristic badass that she is today. The three movements compose an "emotion picture" that realistically portray the hopes and fears of the American people today.
Although she understands that she doesn't have the capacity to speak for every member of the black or LGBTQ community, she will fight for the opportunity to support them no matter the cost.
"There's lots of fears that I have about just living openly and freely and criticizing those who are in the position of power. You just never know. You never know what could happen when you are outspoken. It's a risk. It's a risk that I've prayed on and I'm willing to take."
Her consistent advocacy for women is proof that none of us are free until we all are. It's celebrities like Janelle Monae who use their platform to speak about real issues affecting black women that have the power to change the culture, and she isn't done yet.
Janelle made it clear that as long as women of color are under oppression, she will be on the front lines fighting with a powerful weapon in her holster.
"I'm not running to Canada. I'm not leaving. I'm standing here, and I am gonna fight for love."
To read the full interview, click here.
Featured image by Amanda Edwards/WireImage
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images