Gabrielle Union And Jada Pinkett Smith Ending Their 17-Year Feud Was A Real Girl Power Moment
According to Gabrielle Union, there's a point in every woman's life where she has to take accountability for her own healing. And while it's become trendy or cute to be petty or throw shade, I personally believe that it's a sign of being miserable. Boss women don't need Petty Pattys in their circle, because strong women understand that your light doesn't shine any brighter by dimming someone else's.
Gabrielle Union and Jada Pinkett Smith took initiative in an attempt to find their own peace on a new episode of Red Table Talk, where the two actresses sat down to resolve their 17-year feud and affirm the power of having friends that can check you when you're tripping.
"And then I had to just apologize and was just thinking to myself, 'Damn, Jada! That was some petty ass s–t. But at the same time going, 'Well, that's where you were then. Thank God you're someplace else now.' Every time we would see each other, we were always cordial and always nice, but [there] was always tension."
Though neither woman can specifically pinpoint the cause of their falling out, they both admitted that they shared equal roles in the breakdown of their relationship and said their unspoken conflict has affected them both personally. Gabrielle said that after receiving a phone call from Jada, she knew in her heart that it was time to take accountability for her own healing.
Red Table Talk
"I could have been like, 'Ok! I know this is super uncomfortable, but I'm going to hop in your face and we're going to talk.' But I was like, 'Ok,'" she said. "You think, 'It's not going to affect my life.' But it is. Because your brain keeps going back there."
Female friendships, especially among women of color, have a distinct dynamic. The unique sisterhood among black women is sacred, and fragile and can stand to be one of the some of the most heartbreaking relationships of our lives.
There are women who used to be some of my best friends that I haven't spoken to for years for petty reasons, and there are some women that I simply outgrew. Gabrielle, like many of us, had to reach her lowest point and take some self-inventory before she could decide what relationships could allow growth in her life.
"I had to hit rock bottom. I had to lose everything. For me that was my first marriage, going through the divorce process. I lost my show. My show was canceled. And I was having difficult relationships with my BFFs. My day ones. It was everyone's fault but my own. I literally found myself at home underneath my bed with my dog. I was like, 'I don't think I can get any lower than this.'"
It was then that she began working with life coach and fitness instructor AJ Johnson who helped her understand that she was the underlying cause of all of her problems. Gabrielle mentioned a blunt moment of truth when AJ checked her for throwing shade at another woman and said that it was then that she decided it was time to make some serious life changes.
"AJ said, 'Did you get the job that you wanted? What did you accomplish by tearing that woman down?'" Union said. "'All you did was reveal to everyone at this party what low self-esteem you have.'"
"That's what it took. It was harsh in the moment, but it was like, damn. 'I have been communicating through negativity. I've been shrinking other people, hoping that I'm growing.' I had to call a thing a thing. 'I'm a hater. I'm a troll…' All of those negative things that had been happening in you life, it's exactly what you're putting out, you're getting back. It's ugly, it's hard, it's painful, to recognize that you are the common denominator for the vast majority of your problems."
It's so easy to play the victim especially when victimhood is comfy, says Gabby. Kind of like a snuggie. A lot of us, myself included, get all wrapped up in our Snuggie of unaccountability and our lives and dreams can pass us by if we don't shed our comfortability and take responsibility for our own healing.
Your best friend hurt you, your man left you, your sister did you wrong, and your mother neglected you. Now what? Take initiative to make amends to heal your wounds, even if it's uncomfortable and especially if you don't feel like it.
This intimate conversation between Jada and Gabrielle reminds us just how fragile and important the connections we make with other women really are. We're all in this together, but so often we're too engulfed by gossip, rumor, and miscommunication to be inspired by the magic that our fellow woman creates.
At times, it feels like the whole world is against us, so we have to be able to be here for one another to ensure our survival in a misogynistic world that's basically set up for women of color to fail. Sisterhood doesn't come easy; but Gabrielle and Jada remind us that it's worth it.
Check out the full episode below:
- Gabrielle Union Blames Media for 17-Year 'Feud' With Jada Pinkett ... ›
- The Alleged Reason For Jada Pinkett Smith And Gabrielle Union's ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith exposes 17-year-old feud with Gabrielle Union ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union Open Up About Their 17 ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union Hash Out Their 17-Year ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union address their 17-year feud ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith and Gabrielle Union Speak About Their 'Petty' 17 ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith, Gabrielle Union Hash Out 17-Year Feud ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith, Gabrielle Union Dish Out 17-Year Feud ... ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith And Gabrielle Union Settle 'Petty' Feud Once And ... ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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