I was raised to believe I was put on this earth with purpose. I was born to do something that no one else on this earth can do and I take pride in knowing that my destiny was already written by an omnipotent source, but ever so often, social media causes me to doubt my journey. The addictive platform that is social media can cause us to lose touch with reality and forget that the path that we forge is our own, and will be unlike anyone else's. It's impossible to arrive safely at your destination when you're swerving in someone else's lane.
Issa Rae is a testament to the fact that your path to success may be unconventional but with conviction, can pay off big time. In a recent interview with GQ, the actress/screenwriter opened up about how her eccentricities turned out to be her biggest assets. There is a typical archetype of black female comedians that Issa doesn't fit into, but that doesn't keep Issa from staying authentic af. She said:
"I do feel like people expect me to be entertaining. And I'm not. I'm not an entertaining person. I don't put on for anybody. I think about someone like Tiffany Haddish, who's just naturally entertaining, who always has a story. And that's just not my lane. I'm always gonna be the shy one."
Although her shy and awkward demeanor steals our hearts time and time again, Issa says that she didn't find confidence in her uniqueness until it was challenged.
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Issa said in the interview that her failed experience on a project with ABC led her to find uncompromising clarity in her voice and define what she genuinely wanted out of her career and life and taught her the most important lesson she lives by now.
"I was just like, Yeah, I have this shot, but I don't want to f*ck it up, so I'm just gonna listen to what everybody says. And I just became like f*cking clay for people to mold. The Shonda process was, like, the best sh*t that happened to me, because it gave me confidence to feel like, 'Oh, I can do this.' And I feel like ABC took the confidence away. Like, I need to know what the f*ck I want to say before I say yes to any opportunity. I need to have a clearer point of view and clear voice."
Can you really expect to get the most out of life when it isn't clear who you are and what you want? Issa reminds us to be clear about your intentions early on your road less taken to success, and during that journey, sometimes you have to fail before you fly.
Since I was 12, my dream has been to become a wildly popular recording artist, and when I scroll on Instagram, sometimes I begin to wonder if this purpose thing is all it's cracked up to be. Recently, a female rapper from my neck of the woods got signed to a well-known record label which admittedly, evoked some jealousy on my part.
Issa Rae Vibes GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
My desperate mind was filled with thoughts like: Maybe I haven't gotten signed yet because I suck. They signed her because she's doper than me. I'll never get a big break because I don't make music like other women in my field.
After I finished wallowing in my own self-pity, a lightbulb went off in my head and I understood that I was worrying about everything but what was most important: staying in my own lane. I was swerving all in hers without evaluating the bumps and bruises she acquired on her journey, which most importantly was a lot different than mine.
Yes, our music styles were different, and the label she signed to doesn't even produce the kind of music that I make. Why should I be jealous of her road to success when it's nothing like mine? Without being clear it is about what you really want, with the help of social media, you'll be on an endless journey of keeping up with the Joneses.
Can you really expect to get the most out of life when it isn't clear who you are and what you want? As we go through life, we must carry the torch proudly as we create our own lanes for success. Because no one can do you, like you.
Featured image by Jerod Harris/Getty Images
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Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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