I got my life at church recently. My pastor (shoutout to Pastor Danielle Murphy) was talking about how being caught up in your feelings can stop you from living your best life. Of course, there's the whole connotation of Drake's song "In My Feelings", but in all seriousness, I had to come to terms that my emotions were taking over for a lot of areas I didn't even realize.
While the stigma that women are emotional creatures has arguably been proven, I know I'm one of those people that have made decisions based off of my emotions and they clearly didn't suit me. On the flip side, when you don't let your emotions take control, you'll be closer to living your best life.
Get Over Overthinking & Overreacting
I can be so terrible at this. Our emotions have this super heavy power to make us overthink any situation and then overreact. The worst part is that most of the time it's about a situation that we've completely made up in our head. You have one thought (i.e. that someone has an issue with you), and then use everything that person says or does to justify why you think that about them. It's not only draining (because who has time to come up with Tyler Perry's latest plot line in our mind), but it can also create awkward situations in real life that only started with an assumption in your mind.
Overthinking and overreacting can really cause us to push people away that actually care about us, because we've tried to convince ourselves that they're being shady. One of the ways to overcome your emotions in this case is to address it head-on and trust the answer without trying to make it fit into what you've already come up with. I know this one is hard but it can also be refreshing once you make it a lifestyle.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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