I Tried Masturbating For 7 Days As An Act Of Self-Care - Here’s How It Went
Some people find joy and peace in cooking at night. Some find it in hitting the gym. I can find it in those things but above all I find, it in my vulva via orgasm, or so I thought.
When I first discovered the beauty of masturbation via the bullet -- I was hooked. Much like an eighth grade boy who has discovered the force behind a five-finger fist pump on his penis, I would "do it" every change that I got. Oh, and that one time during this gloriously dark period when I accidentally washed my favorite bullet along with my sheets -- well, we won't even go there today. I say all of this to highlight a time in my life where I thought my self-sex drive was untouchably vigorous and would remain this way until the end of time.
Suffice to say, this was never going to be the case and I see that in the way that I can no longer hang. Still, I'm almost positive that I was under the impression that I still had it when I set out to orgasm everyday via masturbation for seven days. You know? As an act of self-care or whatever.
For perspective, my seven days began three weeks ago. The thing is, I thought you all deserved better than seven days of half-assed, forgotten f*cks so went back to start and put some respek on my "TLC" time. Here's how that went! (Spoiler alert: I forgot the last two days).
Day 1
I decided to treat myself to my favorite toy and a little play time after checking one task of my list of twenty. I turned Alexa up and requested the best of Trey Songz, this playlist allowed me to take my time in ways I've never cared much to do. I spent time playing with vibrations and orgasm denial until the time felt right. I lasted anywhere from 35 to 40 minutes and I'm positive that's record breaking for me. As I've mentioned before: I like to get in and get out. But in all fairness, I'm not so sure grade A horndog counts as self-care or at least not when you're bunny f*cking yourself each time. As I played with speed and pulse, I changed positions and toys. My all-time fave is f*cking myself "face down, ass up."
As I was taken back to the soothing sounds of the Trey Day album, I decide now was the time to set myself up for my orgasm and so I did.
Day 2
By Tuesday, I was already feeling as though there was more week than bandwidth in the bedroom. After a long delay, I put off my untimely pleasure until the eleventh hour. Totally unrelated to setting the mood or tone, I decided to take some sexy pictures. I had just chopped my hair off for the second time and as such, this might serve as a separate act of self-love.
Day 3-5
There was a literal lifelessness to me and unenthusiasm that wouldn't allow me to enjoy a full out masturbation session. Now don't get me wrong, I can do lazy sex with myself each day...like literally go through the motions of masturbation just to fall asleep or to wake myself up, but during this trial, I've been so overwhelmed and sleepy in my life that there's been no real need to masturbate for melatonin (not literally).
Day 6
*crickets*
Day 7
There was a lot of edging going on by day 7, but it felt good after a two-day hiatus. I could actually enjoy it without it feeling like a chore.
All in all, I will say that masturbation can't serve as an act of self care when you're forcing it. Exactly like sex, that shit means nothing if you're not in the mood for it. But, those days like the first and the last, where the sensation of self-pleasure hadn't been saturated, I felt euphoric in the day after, and it showed to the outside world.
So, what I will say is that when you do masturbate at your own will, make sure that you are putting some TLC into it and treating it as if it is an act of self-care because it truly is one when you go into it that way. Don't be a lazy f*ck. Unlike the gym, it's not something you want to constantly push yourself to do even when you're not in the mood.
How you go into something, anything--well, that's how you leave it. That is the tone you set for the rest of your intentions.
That said, it's in our best interest to make it good, nasty, and orgasmic every single time we're f*cking ourselves.
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Adding Masturbation to My Self-Care Routine Transformed the Way I Feel Pleasure - Read More
Making Love to Self: The Benefits of Masturbation - Read More
All images by Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images