This Dance Class Is Helping Women Get Their Sexy Back
“Y'all don't hear me!"
The words echoed throughout the dance studio as Monica Wilson, founder of XOTICY—a dance class for the every-day woman to build confidence, self-esteem, endurance, and sensuality—played back the song that had filled the otherwise quiet room.
She walked to the mirrored wall before taking her place in the center of the class. If we couldn't hear her, she made us listen the best way she knew how: through her body.
I was seduced by thick legs in knee high socks, ass for days, wild curls, and seductive dance moves. Like many I first became intrigued with Monica through her Youtube channel. Her tantalizing movements to sexy and sensual music like Rihanna's “Skin" and Beyonce's “Dance for You" were hypnotizing. But it's a lot more than that; it's art in motion. The way Monica moves is effortless fluidity. She feels the music and interprets it through her body as if its first nature, as if it is innate to her very being.
"I lose myself in the song. I don't sit down and think of steps. I just move. If it feels right, it sticks to my soul."
After my own failed attempts to master her moves through the screen from my living room, I decided that I wanted to join her in real time at a class. What kept me from doing it? Oh, I don't know. An innate lack of coordination? A feeling of shyness? But dancing is good for the body and for the soul, and that particular Wednesday at 8:30pm marked a perfect moment because my love tank was on E, and I needed an outlet to release some of that energy.
The day started with me feeling sexually repressed, and I walked into the Xoticy class hoping to tap into the inner goddess in me that had largely been out of commission for the past week or two. “I give you the tools and the steps, but it's all about the feeling that you have inside of you that you forgot was there because you allowed other people and other things to get in the way of it," she said.
She apologized for the chill in the air that greeted my girl and me, but we were fine. We'd heat things up soon enough. I panned over the room of women, all different shades, shapes, and ages, bodies donned in fishnets and black knee high socks. I felt slightly intimidated out of lack of knowing the moves, but quickly morphed into a feeling of “I don't give a fuck" after the music started blaring.
“Y'all are f-cking up," she said to the class after showing us the first eight counts of choreography.
As I said, none of us were dancers. The moves were even harder to pick up in the class and you instinctively want to move in a mechanical 1, 2, 3, 4-count. But counting isn't sexy. Perfection isn't sexy. The hour and a half long class was no joke and it was a challenge to not only the physical, but the mental as well because it asks you to relinquish control and trust the guidance Monica is offering.
I was in her presence for a couple of hours and sexuality resonated from her aura and spirit so intensely. That's her. She exudes sexiness, confidence, and self assuredness and it's evident why women gravitate towards her to learn her ways and absorb some of her magic.
You have to forget yourself and stop worrying about things that don't matter, like comparing yourself to the next woman or feeling like you look silly attempting to bend yourself like Monica. No, quiet the mind, quiet the doubt, and let that shit go. Connect with what is already in you.
To Monica, that's the true definition of sexy:
“Sexy is the way you feel; it's who you are. It's your walk and your step; it's your groove – it's you. It's in you. As women we go through so much shit. We're moms. We take care of every thing. Sometimes we forget that we can take a step back and reconnect with ourselves. Saying f--k it to everything and just taking care of you every once in a while is sexy."
She encouraged us to let go of our control, to surrender to the song as she does and leave our minds for a bit. I was there. I was sexy, and I felt confident about my sh-t. And I began to understand why women came here, why XOTICY is a movement. My spirit could feel the love I was attempting to give it by taking care of me for a bit. That, to me, was sexy.
Self love in the room was evident, but also an unmistakable aura of confidence. Monica's advice for women struggling with self confidence is:
“Move out of your way. Get the f-ck out of your way. You are put on earth in your own purpose. There are people out here trying to live their mom and their dad's life and wonder why things are not as they should be. Think about self. When you start thinking about self love and you please yourself, everyone else around you should be pleased. If not, you shouldn't be worried about it."
Afterwards, the ladies in the class, Monica, my friend, and I all sat around in a circle having a candid conversation about sex and how the class has taught them to own their lives, both in the bedroom and outside of it. Monica still needs to show me how she slides across that floor so effortlessly. Damn, that woman. I need a pair of those socks!
If you are ever in the Atlanta area on a Wednesday night, be sure to check out Monica Wilson's XOTICY class. It does wonders for the bedroom, but also for the soul, and that's where it all begins anyway, right?
Check out more of Monica's erotic moves below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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