I Chose Abstinence When I No Longer Felt Fulfilled By Casual Sex
When anyone asks me to describe the dating scene today the first thought that comes to mind is Drake's "Doing it Wrong" lyrics, "We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together." Even previously while in relationships, something always felt temporary and inorganic and there was never much certainty of a title or status. I couldn't recall the last time I was involved with someone and felt total fulfillment from anything in the situation other than sex. Many situationships these days begin and end in sex, and maybe a little false hope of commitment in between.
Those were the men I referred to as my "something to do" boo because the peak of the productivity between us occurred only during a spontaneous Netflix and Chill night, thereby designating them as something to do when there's nothing to do. Of course, there was the usual night out to eat here and there, and maybe a movie, but never anything that knocked me off my feet and gave me an experience that was remarkably unique. I think sex played a heavy role in the lack of effort. Was this what I preferred? Absolutely not.
By nature, humans desire love and companionship, no matter how much they try to deny it. I'd take a romantic walk in the park with my partner any day over a random night of sexcapades.
It was one Sunday morning that I woke up and realized there was some truth to a tweet I recently came across which read, "Women can eliminate weak men in a single generation by simply refusing to sleep with them."
After some heavy reflection and contemplation, I decided that it's best to hold back on sex until I'm in a fulfilling committed relationship. Normally, women choose to practice abstinence until they're married, but I knew my limitations and wanted to set a realistic goal for myself. I believe that for any woman seeking to settle down and be in a committed relationship with someone, they might also want to consider eliminating sex until then.
Here are the ways you can approach and practice abstinence while dating:
Always keep in mind and prioritize your long-term goal.
When you reach a point where you're past the fun exploration stage of dating and your expectations have heightened, make sure your ultimate goal is at the forefront of every decision you make. You should choose who and how you date based on what's the best fit for your choice to omit sex until commitment.
Pay attention to the initial signs, there are going to be key characteristics of someone who's truly interested or just looking to "hit it."
Featured image by Shutterstock
Danisha L. Baughan (Dani) is a long term educator, community activist, and philanthropist. Dani is a mother of two who enjoys writing on her spare time, hosting an event she created called Chat N Chew Battle of the Sexes, and has also directed and produced a cultural/gender based documentary on dating in today's society, It's Not You, It's THEM!. Follow her on Instagram @dani_beaux_.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Tyler James Williams Explains Why His And Quinta Brunson 'Abbott Elementary' Characters Should Remain Friends
While Abbott Elementary fans are hoping that Janine and Gregory end up together, the show’s star has another take. Tyler James Williams plays Gregory on the Emmy award-winning sitcom, and he recently stopped by The Jennifer Hudson Show to share his point of view on his storyline with Janine, which Quinta Brunson plays.
“I hate to say it. I know that everybody’s always mad at me for this. I don’t necessarily want to see them together,” he revealed. “It’s partially an actor’s choice, but also somebody who, like, I read a lot of scripts all the time. I watch a lot of TV, a lot of film. I don’t think that we see displays of platonic love between two people often. I think it’s really easy to go right to they have feelings for each other, therefore they should be together. I like this dynamic of exploring withholding that and just actively loving each other where they are. That I like to see more.”
If you recall, they were co-workers who became friends but were secretly crushing on each other. They’ve had many awkward run-ins during and after school, like the unforgettable club scene where they were dancing nervously with each other in season one, and in season two, they finally kiss. However, it only made things even more awkward, and they decided to just be friends. Tyler further explained why he thinks it’s important to showcase that type of relationship on screen.
“I think it’s time for that. I think TV allows people to see things that could be their lives for the first time, and I think seeing a healthy friendship that is deeply caring about one another in a work atmosphere needs to be shown more than the relationship,” he concluded.
Abbott Elementary comes on every Wednesday at 9 p.m. EST on ABC.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images