The Empath's Guide To An Emotionally-Balanced Life
If there is one thing the past several months have taught me, it's that self-awareness is truly life-altering. I say that because, for so many years of my life, whenever relationship challenges would come my way, I'd spend more time trying to figure out the other person more than myself.
But like the French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne once said, "The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself." Indeed. And, if you want to get to the root of your relationship issues, look within…first.
And after going through a series of pretty devastating transitions in some of my relationships, I realized that a part of the reason why I attracted some people who weren't healthy for me — and why letting them go was difficult even though they were toxic — was because I show a lot of signs of being something that, while growing up, I didn't hear a lot about: An empath.
You don't have the time and I don't have enough word count space to get into all of what an empath is, but a bottom line definition is this — empaths are individuals who have an uncanny ability to not only understand other people but can literally feel what they are experiencing too; so much to the point that they are able to mentally and emotionally put themselves in someone else's position, sometimes to their own detriment.
This means that empaths are highly sensitive, extremely discerning, and can oftentimes absorb the emotions of others. Some other traits of an empath include being introverted, a loving nature, preferring to spend time alone, and they can get easily distracted by noises and smells too.
Although in many ways, it's a beautiful thing to be an empath, it does come with its challenges.
Because they are so intuitive, they tend to be targets to energy vampires and narcissists (check out the video "15 Things That Happen When an Empath Loves a Narcissist" when you get a chance). Empaths are also known for giving more than they receive plus, it's very easy for them to get completely overwhelmed in their relationships — almost to the point of caring more about the choices their loved ones are making than their own loved ones do.
Did you just read all of that and have a huge light bulb go off? If so, welcome to the world of being an empath (if you want to double-check, do this self-assessment test). Now that you know why you've been going through some of what you have, as a fellow empath, here are three tips to help you experience less harm and guard yourself better moving forward:
3 Ways To Protect Yourself As An Empath
1.Take Your Time in Relationships.
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The more I've studied about empaths, the more I recognize the importance of taking my time at the beginning of relationships and finding balance once I'm in them, whether it's a professional or personal one.
In the past, because I could sense a lot of what a person was going through or where they were coming from, I would immediately invest my all — time, effort, energy, and even resources — without allowing time to reveal if they were someone that I should get that deeply involved with.
Sometimes you need months — even years — before you can comfortably say "This is someone I trust" or "This is someone I can call a friend." Personal bumps and bruises have taught me that sometimes feeling what a person is going through is not about getting intimately involved so much as offering a word of encouragement, praying for them, or just meeting an immediate need. No more, no less.
(Accepting this alone is a total game-changer!)
2.Recognize Patterns.
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As I'm doing some healing from childhood trauma, I realize that because I am an empath and I didn't make dealing with the PTSD of my childhood and adolescence as much of a priority as I should have, oftentimes I kept re-victimizing myself by choosing my childhood abusers as an adult; only, they were in forms of different people.
Now that I am aware of this, I see that, as an empath, I have a tendency to even want to rationalize my abusers' abuse because I am wired to feel what they feel (deep, right?!). Knowing this helps me to recognize when I'm about to repeat this kind of pattern with other toxic individuals.
For instance, if you do research on narcissists and sociopaths, a lot of them become that way due to their own unresolved childhood stuff. A narcissist and an empath are an intense combo because the narcissist wants to drain the empath of their good qualities, while an empath wants to do whatever they can to make a narcissist better. See what I mean? #breakthepattern
3.Require Reciprocity.
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Not everyone is an empath. That's not a good or bad thing; that's just the way it is. To me, I think empaths are a lot like silk — simultaneously strong and fragile. Because of that, they need the kind of people in their life who will treat them that way.
Something that a strong-yet-fragile individual — an empath — needs is the kind of relationships that will give as much as they take. Since an empath feels so much and their heart is so big, reciprocity cannot be a preference; for the sake of their overall health and well-being, it must be a requirement.
As I've been settling more and more into understanding that while I am an empath, my past relational bumps and bruises have been healing and, it's been quite some time since I've encountered any new ones.
I'm telling you, sometimes, the best way to resolve issues with others is to truly understand yourself. Self-awareness makes this possible. Whether you're an empath — or not.
Feature image by Getty Images
- The Empath's Survival Guide: Living Well as a Sensitive Person ›
- 5 Protection Strategies for Empaths - Judith Orloff MD ›
- 12 Balancing Ways How to Protect Yourself as an Empath - SYLVIA ... ›
- Top 10 Protection Crystals: Which One is Best for You? — KRISTA ... ›
- Tips for Sensitive People to Protect Their Energy | Psychology Today ›
- Four Signs You May Be an Empath-Warrior | HuffPost ›
- 10 Traits Empathic People Share | Psychology Today ›
- How to Stay Emotionally Balanced If You're an Empath | The Chopra ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage