For Those Who Struggle To Embrace Their Emotions
There it is again.
You desperately struggle to keep the tears down as you fight back the emotions of frustration and overwhelm. You hate getting like this. It gently whispers that you may not be as strong as you walk around pretending to be and the worst fear is being looked down on as someone who can't handle their situations.
Pushing back the vulnerable moment, you walk away from yet another opportunity to do what can heal us all:
Cry.
It's not that you don't feel anything. You just constantly battle with the risk of feeling powerless.
I know well, because I've struggled with this too.
I'll never forget the day I truly realized I had entered the real world as an adult.
It was a bright and sunny day in January but I laid on my cold floor as envy swelled inside me like a giant hater-wave. I scrolled through every social media site I owned, watching all my friends showcase their first day back to school. Just a few weeks ago, I had been on cloud nine. After accomplishing my degree, I had a camera roll filled with celebratory post-graduation nights. But with no job, no money, and no real plan as to what I was about to do next, I felt a hopeless cloud creep into my dark room.
I opened one too many Snapchats and couldn't hold it in any longer. I burst out in tears. Through my Kim K. cry I questioned, “Who was I now?" College had given me an identity and sense of accomplishment, and I didn't know what I would do without it. I was a mess.
For decades, crying has been seen as a form of weakness. Especially relevant in the black community, we often put down our own for showing any sign that we are deeply hurting and looking for a way to cope with the load we silently carry.
Crying has been a huge insecurity of mine because I never wanted to feel that I was being too sensitive. But allowing myself to embrace my tears is what has held together my growing pains. I learned to cry when I was happy, surprised, angry as hell, in complete panic and every emotion in between. I hated feeling weak for expressing myself the best way I knew how but in that moment on my floor, it all seemed necessary.
If you are struggling to release your tears or even feel guilty for being “emotional," here are three advantages in letting it all out:
Crying Makes You Feel Amazing
Have you ever heard of having a good cry? The process of crying opens up emotions that may have been locked up by shame or embarrassment. When we cry, we release endorphins, the “feel-good" hormones that act as natural pain fighters. As you feel overwhelmed in your adulting journey, a way to move past it is ironically crying your eyes out. It's something about a deep tear fest that feels good to the soul.
Crying Cleanses Your Stress
Besides healing the heart, crying also physically relieves stress in the body. Studies show that when we release tears, we also release certain physical toxins that have been stored inside us. Crying is a great way to deal with stress-induced pains that can lead to ulcers, high blood pressure and heart attacks.
Crying Eliminates Mental Blocks
When you are vulnerable enough to let out a cry, it allows new and positive energy to flow in. A clear head can create a path to rationally figuring out solutions to issues. For example, after my post-grad breakdown (many more followed), I found baby steps that I could take that eventually pointed me in the right direction to a clear head and a career I enjoyed.
Being emotional takes courage. It takes the guts to overcome the ones who said that you were fragile if you let it all hang out.
But I never felt as free as I did after my world-ending cry in my room that day. When I was finished, an unexplainable peace came over me like a comforting best friend. I didn't know how life was going to turn out but I had released my fear and anxiety of the future in the purest way.
Your path to success is already written and that's a fact. Don't be afraid to let your tears lead the way.
Featured image by Getty Images
Alaina is a Las Vegas freelance writer and founder of the website GlowSZN, a post-grad survival blog for the lit and educated. Embracing the raggedy moments of adulthood, she is always looking to push the narrative of growth in God, becoming financially free and owning your truth in your 20's. You can follow her on Instagram or Twitter at @hotlaina_.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
6 Spring Events To Boost Your Professional And Social Networks
When spring arrives, we all want to be outside, looking fabulous, and back to socializing. And now is the perfect time to add a few great events to your calendar to get you through the quarter in order to make new friends, build new partnerships, and talk new opportunities to level up.
Spring is a high season for networking and social events for Black women, with many organizations and event entrepreneurs booking prime locations and offering dynamic experiences that you can maximize in whatever way possible. Write down your goals, and get out there. Start with a few of these events between now and the start of summer:
New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival, April 23 - May 3
The New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival is a 10-day event held over two weekends, bringing together thousands of musicians, craftspeople, and food lovers to share in common threads of culture in the heart of New Orleans. You'll get to enjoy works by artisans local to Louisiana as well as from across the U.S. and around the world.
Black Food Truck Festival, April 26-28
Hosted in Charleston, S.C., the Black Food Truck Festival includes an opening party, access to more than two dozen food truck vendors, and a time to workout with other attendees. Charleston has long been known as a Southern foodie destination, with global recognition due to James Beard-awarded chefs heading popular restaurants there and a renewed focus on Gullah and Geechee culture and food in the region. And what better conversation ice-breaker than to talk about food with a new acquaintance?
Black Women's Mental Health Conference, May 4
Hosted by New York University, this is a one-day event to tackle issues of mental wellness and health that uniquely affect Black women and girls. The keynote speaker for this year is Kim Young, MSW, LCSW, founder of Dope Black Social Worker® and host of the podcast Revolutionary Hoodrat, and leading licensed professionals in the field will offer their insights and share their experiences. And, of course, no college-led event is without time blocked specifically for networking.
Strength of a Woman Festival, May 11-12
Anything with Mary J. Blige headlining or leading is a win, especially if we're talking about women's empowerment and enjoyment. This event will be held in New York City, and beyond the performances from some of our favorites like Muni Long, Jill Scott, and The Clark Sisters, there will be a Gospel Brunch. And even if you're not able to attend or concerts aren't your thing, just being in the city during that time will mean you're bound to run into plenty of other women to network with at local bars and restaurants nearby.
Carefree Black Girl Cookout, May 4
Held in the Queen City, Charlotte, N.C., this is a day festival amplifying the voices and brands of Black women entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives. There will be vendors, glam and beauty bars, and complimentary meals for the first hour (according to the platform's website). They're hosting another cookout in Philadelphia on May 25.
Black Women Leading Live, May 13-16
Touted as an “intimate retreat + conference,” this Virginia Beach, VA event will be held on a resort and is offering a professional development experience led by Laura Knights, founder of the Black Woman Leading® program and podcast. It’s an ideal fit if you’re a mid-level or senior professional, as the topics and approach are set to cater to those levels of career experience, with coaches and speakers pouring into attendees with a holistic approach.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PIKSEL/Getty Images