Your Guide To Finding Your Tribe In A New City
Making friends as an adult is hard.
It just is.
Growing up, our friends were made mostly out of convenience. Whether they lived down the block, or we saw them all day at school, you could meet your best friend in minutes. But now that we're older, busier, and seek more authentic connections, friendship-building can be challenging - especially if you relocate to a new city.
As someone who has moved to two major cities twice in just four years, I know this feeling all too well. After college, all my good friends scattered across the U.S., so I really had to start from square one. It's true that your vibe attracts your tribe, but sometimes you have to do a little more leg work to find your crew. Here are some suggestions on finding your new tribe.
Local Events
Friendships are formed for a lot of reasons, but the strongest basis for a friendship is shared interests. Therefore, seek out events where you might meet like-minded individuals. If you're into art, look up local art shows or sign up for a pottery class. If you're into sports, join a competitive club. You're bound to meet someone cool.
There are a few websites that will make finding local events a lot easier. I relied heavily on these sites my first few months in NYC and even now, I check occasionally to catch a cool gathering:
- I Don't Do Clubs - Events with young, black professionals in mind
- Time Out - Super reliable travel guide full of entertainment and culture
- EventBrite - Mostly party-oriented, but you can find some great gems here
There's an App for That
It wouldn't be 2018 if I didn't incorporate the digital world. These days, finding a friend is literally at that tip of your fingertips. Take a trip to the App Store and download the following:
- Meet-up - Even if you have a million friends, this is a great app. When I lived abroad, I joined a group called "N*ggas in Paris" and met some dope black expats and french people. The best thing about the app is the variety. From outdoor excursions to talks on tech, you will certainly connect with like-minded people.
- Bumble BFF - For some of you, this might sound weird, and yes, conceptually it is. But if you can swipe right on a man, you can do the same for a friend. Trying to make friends feels like dating anyway. Might as well use the same apps for it. *Kanye Shrug*
- Skout - The leading global app for meeting new people, this app prides itself on forming connections by serendipitous occasions. Made for solo travelers in mind, it connects you with people in your general vicinity for a quick meet up. Your new friend could be sitting in the same coffee shop as you!
Related: Black Book LA: The Black Millennial's Guide to Los Angeles
Church Groups
If you're religious and have already found a church home, this is a great place to meet people. But just attending church for a couple hours on Sunday will not do it. Join a ministry, the choir, or attend a day of service. As they say, friends that pray together, stay together!
Don't Discount Your Co-workers
I know we all try to separate work from social life but hear me out. Having the same career path is a strong enough commonality for a potential friendship. Not only will you have someone to vent to about your upcoming project, your boss or that weird colleague you can't stand together, but you can also help each other professionally. Ask them to grab food with you on your lunch break or even after-work cocktails. You never know if a friendship will blossom!
Phone a Friend
Running out of ideas? Get a recommendation! Ask your friends if they know of anyone in your current city. Think of it as a friendship by referral. When I first moved to New York, my college friend suggested I link up with her best friend from high school and now we're like peas and carrots.
Unfortunately, nothing comes easy as an adult, including making friends. No one is going to come knocking at your door asking you to come out and play (if they do, call the police). It's a conscious effort.
Therefore, keep these things in mind:
Be Patient
Friendships, like relationships, take time. You're not going to meet your new bestie overnight. So just understand it may take a few months before the loneliness totally dissipates.
Don't Settle
Also akin to relationship advice, just because someone gives you a little attention and invests some time in you, doesn't mean you have to be friends! Make sure you actually enjoy that person's company and they're not just filling a void. I once went on a road trip with a girl I barely liked just because my options were limited. I won't divulge details on the trip but...it was a big mistake.
The expectations you have for a boyfriend should be just as high for a new friend. So aim high.
Be Your Own Friend
As I said in #1, it may take a while for you to find the right tribe. Therefore, embrace the solitude. You're in a new city, so explore it! You don't need a buddy to go to the museum or to check out that restaurant down the street. Get to know your new home from your own perspective.
I promise you, your tribe will come in due time.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- How To Make Friends As An Adult - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Done With Dating Apps? Here's How To Meet New People - xoNecole ›
- How to Make Friends in a New City | Greatist ›
- Moving to a New City: How an Introvert Made 200+ New Friends in ... ›
- 17 Smart Ways To Make New Friends When You Move ›
- The Secret to Making Friends in a New City | HuffPost ›
- How to Find Friends in a New City - The Everygirl ›
- How To Make Friends As An Adult / In A New City / After University ... ›
- 6 Simple Steps to Making Friends in a New City | Moving.com ›
- How to Make Friends in a New City | The Art of Manliness ›
Anndi Jinelle is a part-time creative and full-time corporate cog in the machine living in Brooklyn, NY. This 20-something spends most of her days going from coffee to wine, moving closer to her truth, and watching way more TV than is humanly possible. Catch her on Twitter @seranndipity.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage