Dear Ayana Iman:How do you let go of someone who never said goodbye?
It sounds like you've been ghosted: the act of ceasing all communication without justification. It's a power move, which allows the other person to take control of the situation by eliminating emotional fallout. I'm sorry this has happened to you, no one deserves it. In my opinion, it's disrespectful and a selfish way to end any relationship. The sad reality is relationships are at will…meaning either person can end it at any time without reason or warning.
The need for closure is human. We all want to know the cause of breakups to maintain our dignity. I do, however, hope you can see this person was a jerk and undeserving of your time.
Here are some things to consider moving forward:
- You are worthy.
- Grieving is necessary. Give yourself the freedom to let go of distress.
- The relationship ended for reasons you couldn't control and that is not your fault.
- Forgive yourself for trusting someone who didn't have good intentions.
- Acknowledge the end of the relationship and accept it.
- This is a new chapter and you are allowed to take your power back.
- Surround yourself with people who love you.
- Don't waste your energy rebounding for the sake of not feeling lonely; you are not alone.
- Focus on moving forward by setting goals and revisiting your bucket list.
- Take it one day at a time.
Dear Ayana Iman:I'm 33 years old and stuck in a rut. I'm currently working at a dead end job but I need the money so I cannot quit.The job isn't bad, it can be stressful, but it's just not paying me enough to survive. I would like to follow my passion of having my own media and film production company. I've even went as far as creating a name and registering it but I'm not college educated and early on, I made some mistakes in life which lead to a felony background and difficulty in obtaining employment. I'm sort of playing catch up on everything: bills, life, etc. What should I do??
Hey Sis, the power is in the tongue. If you want to own a media and film production company, speak life into it. You don't have to be college educated to start or own a business. That is a myth.
The mistakes you've made are in the past; forgive yourself.
Here are some people trying to change the stigma of convicted felons. Yes, life can be unkind, especially when opportunities feel scarce, but there is no limit on your glory. One way to pay homage to your growth is to share your story and provide a platform for others to share their experiences.
Utilize social media as a free tool to post your work and build your tribe. Create an email list and share your goals and progress with subscribers. Identify the cost associated with running your media company and crowdsource funds to cover projects. Also, find mentors in the business to gain clarity and access to information.
Director Ava DuVernay didn't pick up a camera until she was 32, and now she's directing blockbuster films. She forged her own path and is constantly breaking down barriers. There is room for your gift and if you're willing to do the work, change is possible.
Do you have a question about love, life, career, wellness, etc. that you'd like for life coach Ayana to answer in a future Ask Ayana Iman segment? Submit your questions here for a chance to have your question answered! Click here for past Ask Ayana Iman posts to see if your question has already been answered!
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Ask Erin: I'm Being Ghosted — How Do I Get Closure? | Ravishly ... ›
- How to get closure after being ghosted - The Dating Directory ›
- 5 Emotional Stages Of Being Ghosted, Because You Just Need To ... ›
- How To Recover From Being 'Ghosted' With Your Self-Esteem Intact ... ›
- I was ghosted by someone I actually liked — here's how I got over it ... ›
- How to actually move on and start over after getting ghosted - INSIDER ›
- Female viagra home remedies ~ Female equivalent of viagra. FDA ... ›
- This Is Why Ghosting Hurts So Much | Psychology Today ›
- how to get closure after being ghosted, how to move on after being ... ›
- How To Get Over Being Ghosted When The Lack Of Closure Eats At ... ›
RELATED
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
To my surprise, that came in the form of social media.
Now, you might be wondering how someone might be able to juggle their work in a creatively-dominant career like writing while still having the mental capacity to produce ideas for their own personal brand, and well, that answer didn’t come easily.
In 2021, I hit a wall with writing and content creation.
With the stress and uncertainty that came as a result of the pandemic, to being burned out from having to live off my creativity, I reached a breaking point. For me, writing was always a space to explore my thoughts, process heavy topics, and express concepts that only words could bring reason to. However, when I didn’t have the brainpower to write or create content, I knew it was time to set parameters around my hobby of content creation and my passion for storytelling.
In this case, the biggest challenge was finding the balance between the two by releasing the guilt and shame of taking a break from both in order to reconnect with them.
Through years of trial and error, the fog finally cleared, and I was able to hit my stride in 2023. From garnering over 10K followers on TikTok, building an Instagram community around lifestyle and creative encouragement, along with my wellness collective, Black Girl Playground, and writing for xoNecole as a lifestyle contributor, the creative juices have been flowing steadily.
And it all happened by creating a strategy that allowed space for planning, resting, and creating. Today, I’ll be sharing my top tips to help you find your balance between your side hustle and passions.
On staying inspired and motivated when working on various content creation and freelancing projects:
Early this year, I came to the bright conclusion that I needed to shorten the gap between ideation and execution — and it completely changed how I create.
Oftentimes, when we have an idea come to us, we let it sit for too long, and then before we know it, we’ve either lost the enthusiasm to put it into action, or someone else grabs it. If you want to stay in a flow of creativity, whether side projects or full-time work, it’s important to not get slowed down by self-doubt, procrastination, or perfectionism.
Give yourself permission to act on your ideas as they come to you. Even if they’re a little muddy or not “perfect,” you can always fine-tune them later.
@yagirlaley shrinking the gap between [ideation] + [execution] 🧠💡#fyp #creativeadvice
On the importance of choosing a niche:
If there’s one thing that has helped me balance my work as a writer and content creator, it’s putting each in its own niche (or category). By definition, a niche is a specialized segment of the market or a specific area of expertise.
When you are creating in the same niche that you’re also making a living in, that’s an easy way to get your wires crossed. And at times, this could lead to feeling as if you don’t have any ideas for yourself because you’ve given them to the other area you're juggling.
When balancing two, you want to have enough fresh ideas to give to your personal projects and your full-time work to avoid any overlap. This ensures that your personal creative vision isn’t compromised when working on client projects while still having some for yourself.
On the strategies that have helped to maintain a consistent workflow in both areas:
I can’t stress enough how important it is to create a workflow and structure for yourself as a freelancer — this applies to those with a 9-5 in the day and a 5-9 at night, too.
As someone who admittedly has ADHD tendencies, object permanence can sometimes create a block in time and project management. That’s why I encourage creatives and professionals to create systems that allow you to see the work that’s ahead of you.
Personally, I can’t live without having multiple calendars going at once. My Google calendar keeps track of interviews for articles and events, while my physical calendar helps me keep track of important dates. I also work out of an Excel sheet where I can log in ongoing stories and track their status from drafting to submission. I’ve also heard great things about the Notion app for planning and tracking.
When it comes to creating content, spending time doing bulk content days has been an asset to my creative workflow. When I complete the videos, I save them to my drafts and upload them as needed.
Credit: Amberita
Courtesy of the writer
On the best advice for someone who is considering pursuing both content creation and freelancing simultaneously:
Don’t be ashamed of taking a break and resting — because both are essential to the life of a creative. Last month, I returned to Instagram after taking 6 months off from posting. During that time, I worked on growing my TikTok page, using the platform to practice vulnerability and allowing myself to put the fun back into creating content. Without the time, I can’t say I’d be able to approach Instagram with the same ease and playfulness; but thanks to that time away, it was possible.
Resting, letting our minds wander, or simply doing nothing are all just as productive as creating. No one can produce at all times, we have to allow ourselves the space for new concepts and ideas to flow to us. In addition to that, when we take breaks from social media, it allows us to stop the wheel of comparison and consume more than we create. So if you feel like you’re in a creative rut with all you want to balance, it may be time to take a step back, unapologetically.
Your creativity will thank you for it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Sir Taylor
