There have been times in my life where I've been in a fog. My thoughts are bouncing around my brain like ping pong balls, and I can't seem to catch up. My spirit is low. My sleeping patterns are terrible. I am not inspired, and my mind looks like a desk full of papers without a filing system. Just chaos.
As soon as these chaotic feelings arise I know I need to realign myself with my purpose and goals.
I usually fast for one day out of the year to redirect my spirit. It is a time where I strip away my social media accounts, any physical activity, and food. I don't consume anything but water for 24 hours. Although I am not Muslim, I decided to do my annual 24-hour fast around Ramadan this year. There is something powerful about joining millions of people around the world in recommitment, prayer, and overall mental wellness.
Fasting is a common practice in many religions that helps increase your gratitude for basic luxuries, increase your self-discipline, and can help you recommit your spirit to a Higher Power. This year, I focused on these three areas while trying to realign my goals and set a reminder for my self-worth and purpose.
Gratitude
Although you would think the people who appear to have it all are grateful for what they have, we all know that it is in our nature to want more. There is nothing wrong with striving to be the best at your craft or wanting to have the best things, but I have to say, Instagram often makes us forget what we have, how hard we've worked, and how amazing our relationships are.
For example, I have no desire to get married. I saw this girl get engaged on Instagram and all of a sudden, my insecurities skyrocketed. Why? My gratitude levels weren't allowing me to see the things in my life that I do have and suddenly, I felt like I needed something that I didn't even want.
Fasting has allowed me to be grateful for the things right in front of me. It has allowed me to experience what it is like to be without for 24 hours. That within itself is something to be grateful for. I can eat again in 24 hours. There are thousands of families that are starving who do not have that option.
Fasting has helped me cleanse my mind and soul from everyday gripe and grumble.
Gratitude should live in everything we do. When I consider the water crisis in Flint, I'm grateful for clean running water. When I become troubled by the thousands of children waiting in foster care, I'm grateful for a mother who is alive and well. When I reflect on having the option to eat or not eat, I'm simply grateful.
Self-Discipline
Throughout my 24-hour fast, I have to continuously remind myself not to eat. Eating, like other desires, is instinctual. Meaning, we do it frivolously because it's there, it's always going to be there, we assume. We eat without thinking twice.
The act of fasting whether you choose to leave food or any other desire behind involves suppressing your cravings. Suppressing your desires promotes self-control and most importantly self-discipline. If you can handle not eating for a day, you can increase your likelihood to say "no" in any other situation. You put the decision-making process back in your control. When you have to say "no" to something that you're used to doing, you will be more inclined to stop and think about everyday decisions you make.
Devotion
My favorite part of the fast is recommitting myself, spiritually. I have practiced and followed Christian doctrine for most of my life, but I find that recommitment can work in any religion or faith. I usually take these 24 hours to pray. I pray for the things I want, the places I want to go, and the people I want in my circle. I also pray to control my appetite and any intense feelings of desire. I commit to mindfulness, being kind, and I commit to choosing love first, no matter what the situation may be.
One of the reasons why I delete all of my social media apps from my phone before my fast is to remove negative opinions that actively work against what I am trying to accomplish. I stay away from dark television shows, excessive profanity, and any temptation. I get the most out of my fast from my 24-hour devotion.
It is the most impactful way to realign yourself with your purpose.
There are many benefits to making spiritual sacrifices. After my fast, I found myself more focused, dedicated, and committed to my purpose. By relinquishing one or more of your everyday needs for 24 hours, you begin to view life through a different lens. Hopefully, that lens helps to see you through your purpose and change the way you interact with people on a daily basis.
Disclaimer: While I would encourage anyone to take on the challenge, I do not recommend a no food fast for people who are ill or traveling. It is important to pay attention to your body. The fast is generally going to test your limits, but it is important not to do anything that will put your health and well-being at risk.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images
