Ladies, we've seen him as an actor playing Calvin Payne in Tyler Perry's House Of Payne.
We've seen him behind the scenes as a photographer of his very own, I Turn My Camera On series. And most recently, we've seen him as Maurice Jetter in Fox's Star. But regardless of what role it is Lance Gross is playing on any given day, it's pretty clear he's earned a permanent sweet spot in all of our hearts.
From acting to photography, Gross has been actively pursuing his passion since his graduation from Howard University in 2004. With over 10 years of industry experience, Gross has remained authentic to his craft, all while being a positive representation of the black man; not to mention also being delicious eye candy in the process.
But while he's recognized as a heartthrob to millions, with tons of sexy scenes to prove why, Gross has made it a point to be more than a sex symbol as he evolves in his career. In the early years of his career, fame and publicity wasn't quite what he envisioned it to be and he realized early on, the fame and money wasn't at all what he was after.
As he grew in his professional life, his private life matured as well once he fell in love with his now wife, celebrity stylist, Rebecca Gross. The two married back in 2015 and now have two beautiful children, Berkeley and Lennon Gross. And while Gross has played many roles in his lifetime, he shares his role as husband and father is by far his favorite to date.
From his entrance to our lives on various Tyler Perry Productions, to now, Gross continues to show consistent growth in his life and career and proves to us all that you can indeed be eye candy and soul food. Not too shabby for a kid from Oakland! Here's what else Gross had to say.
xoNecole: Who is Lance Gross?
Lance Gross: I'm a cool dude (laughs). It's weird describing yourself, you know. I'm a family man, passionate, I'm a motivated forward thinker. I'm very optimistic. I'm passionate about my family, about my friends. I'm a hopeless romantic. If I could sum it all up (laughs), I'm a positive dude. I don't like drama. I'm a people person. I'm very laid back, very easy to get along with.
What made you want to pursue a career in acting/photography?
For acting, it was something that sparked at a very young age. I would just sit in front of the television and just be amazed at what actors do; how you could see one person play a lawyer and then you would see that same person playing a fireman on something else. It was just sort of a sky is the limit type thing, and I was always intrigued by it. But, I grew up as a shy kid, so it's something that I really never saw myself doing or being open to. I really feel like I got the acting bug when I got to Howard University. I had an Intro to Acting class with Professor Bay, and she just allowed me to spread my wings and really pursue it. That's when it really became something that I had to do.
As far as photography, that was something that has just always been a part of me. I was just the one on trips with a camera, just taking pictures of my friends. I always have to capture the moment. I would say after college, that's when it really took off. I studied it a little bit in high school and college, but after college, I was on hiatus from House of Payne and I would do interviews and people would ask me, "If you weren't an actor, what you be doing professionally?" And I would always say photography, and then it just dawned on me...why not? I got this down time, I'm on hiatus. Let me get me a studio and start really doing this.
What has being a Black actor in Hollywood for over 10 years taught you about yourself?
It's all about growth! When I started out, and was doing House of Payne, I was doing what I love but I was so young, you know? I was blowing through money, I was intrigued by the fame and all that stuff, and that was the wrong thing to do. Now, it's like I've reached the stride. I've matured, I'm not jumping at the same type of roles that I would've jumped at when I was young.
Now, it's more about the work for me. I could care less about the fame, as long as I'm getting rich beautiful roles that push me as an actor. I'm good with that. It's definitely not about the fame no more, I'm not jumping at every single role. I take my time. I want to be someone that young black men can look up to so it's different now. I don't always want to play a thug or something, you know?
"It's more about the work for me. I could care less about the fame."
What changed your perspective of what you want out of this industry?
So many things. The maturity. Being in the industry for so long. I don't feel like I have to rush to the next job I can take my time, I've established myself in that way. You know, I'm still hungry. I still have the same hunger but now it's different, I have family.
You've since evolved from sex symbol to husband/father, how has your latest role as father and husband changed your life?
It is the best acting role I can have. It's the best job I can have. It's my new passion.
I get to go home to my wife and my children, and it's just.. I don't know it's hard to explain unless you have a child. Nowadays, I don't want to be out. I'll rather be at home with them, playing with my daughter. It's different now. I'm looking forward to the future. I love watching my daughter grow and discover herself and discover new things. And I love watching me and my wife's love grow. It's a beautiful thing.
Lance Gross' Instagram
"I love watching my daughter grow… And I love watching me and my wife's love grow. It's a beautiful thing."
As someone who loves fatherhood and is such a great representation of the Black father, what are your thoughts on the representation of Black fatherhood in society?
I feel like we need more positive representation in the media because they're out there. I have a bunch of friends that are great fathers but you wouldn't know if it's not showcased. I mean, it's showcased now since we have social media but if you take away social media, you don't see it that often or hear about it. There are so many good fathers out there, all my friends that are fathers are GREAT fathers, they inspire me and I can only hope to inspire them.
What would you want your legacy to be?
When it's all said and done, I just want people to say, "Job well done." I work hard, I may not be the best at what I do, but I work hard to be the best that I can be. A reason why I got into photography was because I feel like that's the one thing that I can control and that I'm in full control of it. I'm the director, I'm the writer, I'm the producer, and the finished product is my work. As an actor, you're working off of somebody else's script under someone else's direction, so as far as the photography, I want to leave something beautiful behind. As far as an actor, I just want people to see growth. I feel like I've grown a lot since House of Payne and I have so much further to go, so I'm looking forward to that.
I want to be remembered as someone who inspired others. I want to be a role model to the young black man. Man, I'm from Oakland, California, and Oakland sometimes gets perceived as being the hood. That conditioning plays into the mindset of our youth to the point they may think they can't make it out. So, every time someone makes it out of Oakland, like the Ryan Cooglers, myself and so many others, that means something! I want to be an inspiration for those that don't think they can make it. You can, it's just a mindset.
"I want to be an inspiration for those that don't think they can make it."
You can check Lance out on Fox's Star, Season 3 of MacGyver, as well as an upcoming season for I Turn My Camera On in collaboration with MACRO and ESSENCE Magazine. Keep up with his day-to-day by following him on Instagram.
*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity
Featured image by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images for TV One
RELATED
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
Getty Images
1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
Getty Images
4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
Getty Images
7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
Getty Images
9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
____
Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images
