Knowing Your Self-Worth Is The Ultimate F*ckboy Repellent
It's over and you are lowkey devastated. Whether it was a situationship, you were ghosted, you've broken up from a long term relationship, or are in the process of ending your current one, you are shattered and confused. You have valid feelings of past hurt. But let me tell you some hard truths: no matter how much you glow up, there will still be ghosters, clowns, and players in your dating pooI. Beloved, relationships are not supposed to feel like emotional roller-coasters and when you let them continue that way, you are letting someone capitalize off of your lack of self-worth.
You really have to dig deep and ask yourself a very important question: What was the bigger problem, his inadequacy or my lack of self-worth?
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Aren't you tired? Like honestly aren't you exhausted with giving up your power, your body, your time to someone's son just for him to give you the runaround? Sit down, get a pen and pad, and let's do some work. Equip yourself with some highly potent f*ckboy repellant and remind yourself of your value with these tips:
Stop Chasing Him And Remember That You're The Prize
Why you let him bother you when you knew he didn't want you?!
We often take a man becoming distant or seizing contact altogether as an open invitation to start hustling for our worth.Though this is a somewhat natural reaction, it is often rooted in a deep down belief that you are not enough.
You've convinced yourself that that there is not an abundance of men who can offer you a fulfilling relationship, so you continue to cling to this broken one. This is not how a high value woman handles relationships and dating! You know why? She knows that a relationship is worth having is not worth losing her composure and self-respect over.
The right man will complement your life, not complicate it.
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Think about it, when you walk into the Louis Vuitton store and you can't afford that bag, do they lower their prices? Do they chase you around the store, trying to haggle? No! They tell you to come back when you're ready and go help the next customer. You have to get to that point with your heart: if he can't afford to work on a healthy relationship with you, allow yourself the space to welcome someone who will. The inability for him to see your worth does not lower your value.
Action Tip: Write down your relationship boundaries and detail behaviors that you will not accept. For example, mention any abuse, emotional dishonesty, or inconsistency you've experienced.
Define The Kind Of Love You Think You Deserve
Many of us have been socialized to think not what a man can offer us, but what we can offer to a man. Do you know what you are looking for? Because once you do, when a clown is pursuing you, you will be able to differentiate him from Mr. Right or even his fine cousin Mr.Almost Right.
Do you think that you deserve a relationship where you don't have to compromise your value? This is not a question of your worth but of your perception of it. Do you really believe that you deserve a man who is healthy for you spiritually, physically, emotionally, and who is financially stable and that he's out there looking for you? If so, i'm pretty sure you would not be entertaining Mr. Can't Afford To Take You Out This Weekend for the 3rd time in the row.
You accept the love you think that you deserve sis, and what you accept will continue.
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You will keep on meeting the same man in different bodies until you get crystal clear on what it is that you are looking for. Dating without clear standards is like grocery shopping while you're starving: you heighten the possibility of walking out with something unhealthy that was never in your intentions.
Action Tip: Write out the non-superficial qualities that you are looking for in a man. For example, do you want someone who is supportive of support of your endeavors and has the desire and ability to spend quality time with you? Do you want a partner who encourages you to get out of your comfort zone? Be intentional about choosing someone who can speak to you in your love language.
Determine If Your Desire For Love Is Making You An Easy Target For Fraud
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Love bombing is one of the most devastating and traumatic dating experiences you can encounter is often seen in combination with ghosting or breadcrumbing (where a man pulls back his affection and level of interest in a relationship until all you have left is crumbs).
Love bombing is exactly what it sounds like, a person coming into your life like a whirlwind showering you with attention and affection, gifts, and over the top gestures that makes your poor little heart explode. Things move very fast, this person starts planning a future with you, is in constant communication with you, but once you get comfortable, the rug is pulled from underneath your feet and he changes up. Sounds like a scam right? Because it is! And the most beautiful and intelligent women fall for it because a basic human desire, to love and be loved, is being used against you. A solution to this is examining your life and figuring out where the holes in your heart hide so that you can fill them up yourself.
Fill your cup until it runneth over and then let a man add some flavor! Make your life a three-course meal and allowing him to be your dessert, not your entree.
GIFER
Action Tip: Write down the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable, and realize that these are not facts, sis. Starting working on embracing you. Love yourself, or nobody else can. Finally, write the parts of your life you want to improve and get to work, sis.
In the words of Iyanla Vanzant, "Love yourself so that love won't be a stranger when it comes."
I can't promise that these tips will help you find the love of your life tomorrow but they will greatly reduce the energy you expend on the wrong relationships and help you put your value before your desire to cuffed this season. Cheers!
Featured image by Shutterstock
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage