Dating

While being interviewed a while back, someone asked me how I've been able to survive all that I've been through without losing my mind. One, God. Two, living alone so that I can have my own space to process stuff. Three, writing. Pretty much in that order. Next year will be the 20th year since I left Corporate America and decided to give full-time writing a shot and if there's one thing these past two decades have taught me, it's that I have a pattern of putting something into its proper place—which 8.9 times out of 10 equates to putting it behind me—once I write it out.

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As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was being redirected to something better.

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Recently, I was having a conversation with my 20-something-year-old cousin and she was explaining to me how their generation truly doesn't understand or know what it means to date and court. It's really no surprise considering the fact that we live in the age of Instagram, Snapchat, and Netflix & Chill.

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It's interesting how people will assume that you're constantly unhappy, bitter, or discontent merely because of your relationship status…or lack thereof. People need to understand that: 1) being single doesn't mean your life is stagnant or that your life is on pause; 2) being in a relationship or being married isn't necessarily for everyone, and just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean your life is perfect; and 3) some people actually choose or prefer to be single…and that's totally fine.

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Disclaimer: Here's the heads up on what I'm about to share. It'll be really easy to read what this woman allowed a man to send her through and call her "crazy", "desperate" or "stupid" but, before you do that, try and reflect on if there's any relationship you've ever been in where you were needy for a man. Personally, while things may have never gotten quite this extreme, I know there have been times when I put myself through more than I ever should have in the name of (so-called) love.

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I love men. I really love Black men. There's just something about a 6'-plus Godiva chocolate man who's full of intellect, humor, old-fashioned values, spiritual vigilance, self-awareness, and mega-ambition (not necessarily in that order) that literally gives me chills. But what really takes me over the edge is a man who is consistent. Oh, and stable. Stability is soooooooooo—inhale, exhale—oooooo sexy to me.

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