The Ultimate Guide To Dating In The Digital Age
Dating in the digital age is no walk in the park.
It requires that you keep your feelings at bay and your eyes wide open instead of wide shut and zeroed in too closely on the illusion of potential. Dating in the digital age means sliding into DMs instead of chance meetings on the train after work commutes, or blind set-ups from mutual friends. You rarely get the opportunity to invest before you swipe left for something shinier and more new. So many options, so little substance.
It also means time spent constantly wishing we still lived in times where someone would ask you out on a date on Friday and not wait until Saturday to say something came up. Simple things.
But, since longing for the simplicity that my grandparents once knew in their courtship is pointless, I decided that if the dating game wouldn't change, I'd just have to change. In order to better equip myself to navigate the sometimes bleak waters of dating in the digital age, I connected with a dating and relationships coach to gain some insight in the confusion of it all. Here's what I picked up:
Watch and Learn
Dating and relationship coach, and author of The Don't Before I Do, Emily Duboise says, "In the early stages, what you see is what you get. In this era, doing a soft stalk of each other's social media is part of the early stages of courtship. It's just expected, and can be quite useful in the early weeding out process. You can tell a lot from someone's page. It's a display of one's own personal brand whether we know it or not."
Social media in many ways has been both a dating blessing and a curse. While we're in this age of hyperconnectivity, it should be easy to find our Prince Charming, but no. On the one end, I'm always wondering which of the dudes sliding in my DMs like Grand Rapids have girlfriends they've been keeping below sea level. And on the other end of the spectrum, I'm on emotional standby at all times to support friends that finally come to realization that they've been kissing toads in search of their prince charming.
No one wants to find out that after months of "dating" or clinging to the potential of someone that in all actuality, you're the side chick. Or that he's just not that into you. I don't know which is worse honestly.
Communication Is Key
Whether we take heed or not, the red flags are always there. "If he's liking, sharing, expressing interest in posts that degrade or bash women (i.e. half-naked Instagram models or singing the tune 'Women only want men for ____,' he's probably not for you sis," Emily said. "If he is adamant about keeping his page private from YOU that's a red flag. A man should have nothing to hide. And if the only form of communication is through DM, and later he's deleting messages later those are red flags."
It's Not Bittersweet If You're Just Bitter
Dating can easily have you go from crushing to feeling crushed. Stalking him on social media is all fun and dating games until he posts a picture with another girl and now you're wondering where you stand. To avoid coming off bitter and broken, here are some ground rules one should set for themselves while dating in this social climate.
"I tell single women all the time: Every meme, quote, post should not scream, 'I'm single,' 'This why I ain't got no man,' 'Men ain't sh*t,' etc. Your profile should be fun, light, and exemplify that you are beautiful, you are enjoying life, and simply interesting. Men should be so intrigued by your page that they'll want to learn more, and won't think twice about hitting you up, especially whether or not you have a man."
Self-Preservation Is Everything
As an exercise, I volunteered myself for a kind of social experiment. I bought roses for myself and, a few days later, I grabbed them while dashing out the door. I spent the day giving those dozen roses to a dozen beautiful women I encountered. One to the woman working in the parking garage at my office building, another to hostess at the restaurant where I had lunch, so on and so forth.
It's too easy to forget about loving yourself when we've been made to believe we need a partner to feel whole. You should be so full of love that your cup runneth over.
We don't have to search outside of ourselves for the love we so desperately seek when we have the capacity to give love unconditionally. When it comes to social media, and looking to a potential bae's page for reference, look at the women he does post on his page, pay attention to his mannerisms and if how he displays himself to the world is aligned with your own self-expression. Is he worthy of your time and energy? Or would he leave you feeling half-full and emotionally exhausted?
"Dating [in the digital age] is all about seeing if you like the person and want to spend more time with them. It's not about changing them, and molding them into someone of your liking. YOU decide, based on the information you are gathering from his page, whether or not it's going to work for you. It's ok to say 'no' and move on. Your conversation would be: 'I'm looking for something different,' not 'Why are you posted up with all these different women?'" Emily said.
Featured image by Getty Images
- The Ultimate Guide to Dating in the Digital Age | Psychology Today ›
- 7 things to know about dating in the digital age ›
- Teen Voices: Dating in the Digital Age | Pew Research Center ›
- Dating In The Digital Age | Thought Catalog ›
- Rules for dating in the digital age - CBS News ›
- Dating in the Digital Age ›
- Love me Tinder? The struggle of dating in a digital age | Articles ... ›
- Dating in the digital age - Connecticut Post ›
- Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age | TechStuff ›
- Dating in the Digital Age: A Roadmap to Online Love - CNN ›
DeJanae Evins is a certified cannabis educator, consultant and the creator of GreenGoddessGlow, a digital resource at the intersection of cannabis and wellness encouraging mindful cannabis self-care practices. Evins is also a freelance health and wellness writer often discussing topics around sexual health and women's empowerment. Since learning about the Plant Queendom and the many ways we can use plant medicine to heal ourselves both individually and on a global scale, Evins has been vocal in both the cannabis and wellness communities about integrating cannabis in her approach to holistic health. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @dejanaetanye.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage