Why Celebrating Other Women Is A Win For You Too
Being happy for another woman's major moves doesn't take away from your own accomplishments.
In fact, showing appreciation for your fellow girl boss can actually boost your own confidence and push you to go even harder. You can't go wrong with saluting another woman, but I know that this is easier said than done. I'm an introvert, so even saying the nicest things to someone I don't know can feel super awkward.
Related: 7 Ways Women Can Empower One Another
The reality is, you never know what a woman needs to hear to keep going, even from a perfect stranger. Your positivity toward her has the ability to turn her entire day around, and that's a great feeling. Ultimately, there are more positive side effects to clapping it up for another woman than there are for tearing her down, or not saying anything at all. Here's why celebrating other women is actually a win for you, too.
1.It Will Kill Your Own Insecurities
Cheering on another woman can make you feel so much better about yourself. I'll never forget when Gabrielle Union explained her struggle with this concept on Jada Pinkett Smith's Red Table Talk series. She told the story of when she was at a Hollywood party, and made it a point to come for for almost every woman in the room in attempt to make herself feel bigger. Her jealous comments included everything from wondering how they got on the list to criticizing their attire. It was then that her life coach, actress AJ Johnson, stepped in and asked Gabi if blasting these other women made her feel any better about herself. It didn't. It's safe to say she isn't the only woman dealing with deeply rooted insecurities. But, one thing I noticed that Gabrielle has done lately is intentionally celebrate other women with the #WCW feature on her Instagram.
She explained how she's been able to change her inner hate for other women into love and celebration, which has slowly but surely helped to erase her own insecurities. It's just something about celebrating another woman that makes you feel good about yourself. Instead of coming down on a woman because deep down she's your desired body shape, or is living the career of your dreams, celebrate her. The more you do that, the more you'll see your own strength and positive attributes because they're definitely there. They just have to stop hiding behind those insecurities.
2.It Can Build Your Own Network of Positive Women
It's the law of attraction. When you celebrate other women, other women will celebrate you. By this logic, sooner than later, you'll have a network of boss women who clap it up for each other on the regular. There's definitely more positivity and power in cheering on another woman than attempting to tear her down in hopes of feeling better about yourself, even if this jealousy is subconscious. Both options bring attention, but it's not all good.
When you build up another woman, whether it's complimenting her earrings, or acknowledging a major move, you attract the same type of love. When you tear her down, you attract negativity. Celebrating a woman that you look up to can lead to her becoming your mentor in real life, or just a good friend that you can trust. On the flip side, the friendships that start with a common dislike for someone don't last, and can turn toxic with a quickness. It's important that you're clear about what type of friend and network you want to have.
3.You'll Be Happier With Your Own Life
Sounds a little ironic, doesn't it? But when you decide to recognize the positive that lies within another woman, you'll start to see the good things in your own life. To be clear, it's not the same as cheering her on and wishing you had the same thing. Instead, it's realizing that you have your own lane to rock, and that only you can do it well. Doing it for the culture sometimes creates competition among women, but the most challenging competition is the one that exists within yourself. Having this mindset can motivate you to go down the path that's meant for you, all while you cheer on the women around you who are doing their own thing.
Celebrating other women and sincerely being happy for them can also cancel out jealousy. A good rule of thumb might even be to genuinely compliment a woman on something you've had issues with, or felt jealous about in the past or present. You'll soon discover that you're pretty amazing too. The whole "kill them with kindness" vibe doesn't just benefit them. This state of mind helps you find happiness internally as well.
4.You'll Become Your Best Cheerleader
Celebrating other women is a reminder to celebrate your damn self every once in a while. You deserve a good pat on the back too, and you should never be afraid to tell yourself that. Being a celebrator of all things women can make you feel more comfortable with doing the same for yourself. Like I said before, saluting another woman will in no way stifle your own power. As you make it a goal to say something nice to another woman, create those same objectives for yourself. Whether it's reciting positive affirmations in the morning, or leaving sticky notes around the house that are riddled with encouraging messages, you don't have to feel like you're missing out on any love when you use your energy to cheer on another shero.
Encouraging other women will give you the boost you need to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. This new sense of adventure will offer you even more of a reason to celebrate yourself, along with all the other women you happen to meet on your journey.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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