Brown Girl, Arab World: I Conquered My Fear & Took A Solo Trip to Jordan
I've never been one to travel scared.
News stories, paranoid friends and family, and even movies like Brokedown Palace, will have you terrified to leave your home, let alone fly to the other side of the world. For me; however, the "see for yourself" mantra has always rang true.
That's why when I had the chance to check another adventure off my bucketlist in Jordan, I was beyond thrilled.
Jordan was a country I had dreamed of ever since Indiana Jones, along with his whip and sidekicks, ran through Petra on their Last Crusade. It had a magic that captured me instantly and even though I was just a little Black girl from Brooklyn, I knew I had to make it there someday.
Of course when I told my father about my plans, he immediately went into protective daddy mode:
“You're not going by yourself are you?"
“There's no way I'm allowing you to ride through the desert for hours with strange men!"
“If you insist on doing this, we need to set up a system of selfies and safe words."
Now, seeing as how my father thinks my overly grown self needs a safe word for trips to the supermarket alone, you will totally be able to understand why I paid him absolutely no attention. Until his last concern escaped his lips, “Do you even know if they like Black women or Black people over there?"
I didn't.
The more I researched my trip, the more my excitement became infiltrated by doubt and fear. Not too many people I know, even some of my seasoned travel friends, have been to Jordan. Those that have went in groups, on tours or with husbands. I was realizing that I didn't know how I would be received as a woman in Jordan.
A solo woman. A solo Black woman.
Sure I practically live in Abu Dhabi and visit often to hang with friends, but the UAE, despite its strict laws, isn't considered the “real" Middle East. It's Vegas on steroids, an over the top Jetson-like metropolis where foreigners come to play and indulge in their bougiest fantasies. Living and playing in the UAE can give you a false sense of security about how the rest of the Middle East operates, and it's a far cry from everything I was reading about Jordan.
Ok, now I was a bit scared.
But, I'm from Brooklyn, with all the “cough up a lung, where I'm from…" bravado that it entails, so I decided to put on my best screwface and face my fear head on. I was going to Jordan. Alone.
The minute I touched down in Jordan I kept my eyes open and guard up for any awkward stares or surly men wondering where my husband was. I met my driver and immediately took a selfie with him because my father is insane, then headed to my hotel in central Amman. Once I got settled I decided to take a trip down Rainbow Street and indulge in some shopping, food and people watching.
I was standing on a random corner trying to figure out where to eat when a group of young Jordanian women approached me, asked if I needed help and invited me to eat with them. I must admit that my first reaction was to give them the “Girl bye!" face because in NYC if a stranger approaches you on the street they are either a lost tourist, homeless or trying to rob you. Yet I threw defensiveness to the wind, went to lunch with these women and ended up bonding with them over our matching Jordans. Mine worn with jeans, theirs worn under abayas.
Next up was my trip to Petra. My driver returned for our four hour journey through the desert and immediately my nervousness returned. Four hours in the middle of nowhere, with a strange man on the other side of the world where I know no one. What if he killed me and left me in the desert? What if my father has to resort to living the male version of “Not with My Child" to rescue me and bring me home? Clearly I watch too much Investigative Discovery and Lifetime.
The drive ended up being full of laughs and adventure. My driver became like an older brother, cracking jokes on me, taking me to hang out with friends at random rest stops and educating me on life in Jordan. We explored Petra together, drank beer and played card games until the sun came up.
My first selfie with strangers turned friends
He signed me up for a Jordanian cooking class because family everywhere believe food is the path to marriage.
Sigh, brothers. I ended up loving the class while I never attracted that husband, I met other solo women from Turkey who were excited to see someone “brave" just like them. Perhaps Jordan wasn't so bad after all.
The next morning I said goodbye to my “brother" and made my way to Wadi Rum with another driver that would introduce me to my future BFF for life, Mohammed. Mohammed was a Bedouin who lived out in the deserts of Wadi Rum in the way of his forefathers, living off the land with minimal contact with the outside world. As a city girl I was not about this life. What do you mean there's no cell service and I can't check Facebook? Why is there no light in my tent? Why am I sleeping in a tent? This was going to be interesting.
Mohammed and I became fast friends and took more selfies together than the Kardashians combined. He made me a picnic lunch beneath a rock and played me traditional Jordanian songs on his iPhone (Apple is everywhere!).
We hiked mini mountains, visited friends and talked about relationship troubles, chased defiant goats, and watched the most beautiful sunset together before heading to our camp for the night where he prepared me a delicious chicken dinner that was cooked in the ground traditional Bedouin style. We stared at the stars shining bright above us and shared the hopes and dreams of two people so different, but very much the same.
That night, I fell in love with Jordan.
After riding a camel back to the village, I exchanged info with Mohammed, snapped a few pics of him with his friends (Jordanian men are yummy…praises.), said goodbye and headed off on a two hour journey towards the Dead Sea. I checked into my hotel and headed down to the beach to spend some time covering myself in mud and taking awkward pictures of myself floating while trying not to drop my phone in the water. So many people, local and foreign, came to chat with me, invite me to lunch or to dinner in their homes. It was refreshing.
As I stood in the water admiring the sight before me, for the first time I realized that I was no longer nervous or afraid. Unlike other countries where I needed to be on guard for my safety or couldn't go two feet without being reminded that I was strange black fruit, Jordan allowed me to be free.
It was in that moment that I realized I hadn't been scared since I arrived. That no one mentioned my race or gave me awkward stares. That the men my father was so worried about me driving through the desert with protected me like I was family. A trip that started out with fear had turned into one of the best adventures I've had so far, and after 70+ countries, that's saying a lot. Jordan was nothing like what I thought, nothing like what some media might have you believe. Jordan and its people filled my heart with so much kindness and love that I was never alone and instead of being scared I was able to open myself up to the world around me. New friendships, new experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.
As I headed back to the airport, after a night of partying because if you didn't already know, Jordanians get it in, a sense of sadness came over me. Not too many places evoke emotions from me, but Jordan had won my heart. I hugged my “brother," who came back to see me off, and cried like a baby on his shoulder. “I tell you, Jordan is amazing. You are one of us now, this is your new home," he said. He was right. I took one last look around and I no longer felt like a brown girl in an Arab world. I felt welcomed; I felt at home. And I can't wait to return.
Have you ever overcome a fear of traveling? Let me know! And feel free to check out more pics from my trip to Jordan below.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images