5 PhD Students Reveal How They Combat Impostor Syndrome
"You're not good enough."
"You can't do this."
"You are way in over your head."
Those were just some of the negative statements and thoughts I would say and think to myself as I walked into class. As a 26-year-old Ph.D. candidate at Howard University, my journey in academia has been both exciting and fulfilling yet at the same time, emotionally and spiritually grueling. If the pressure that comes along with being the first in my family to graduate from undergrad, to receive a Master's degree, and pursue a doctorate was not hard enough, the constant feeling of self-doubt and chronic self-criticism of whether or not I "belonged" in higher education was a weight that was too much to bear –– despite my academic and professional accomplishments.
Not being able to put a name to this dark feeling of doubt that consumed me and too intimidated to share my feelings with my other Black female colleagues, I started to do research on what I was going through. After reading the article "For Colored Girls Who Are Unsure" on Sister PhD, I realized what I was battling with. It was called "Impostor Syndrome."
For those of you unfamiliar, Impostor Syndrome is the psychological phenomenon affecting individuals who find themseleves incapable of interanlizing their accomplishments. Instead they view themselves as failures or inadequates, and are living in a constant state of anxiety that they will be found out for the "fraud" that they believe themselves to be. It's quite common among women and people of color.
And unfortunately for us, Impostor Syndrome among Black women academics is a pervasive and debilitating issue that too many of us are suffering in silence with. Following in Audre Lorde's revolutionary charge to "transform silence into language and action," I interviewed five Black women Ph.D. students and they shared with me their experiences with Impostor Syndrome, how they cope with internalized perceptions of inadequacy; and some advice they would give to other Black women doctoral students who too are dealing with inclinations of unworthiness.
Erin Berry-McCrea, 33
The University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC)
How has imposter syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D. journey?
"I think as a Black person, you are always battling with what W.E.B. DuBois describes as 'double consciousness.' You are so used to surviving and dealing with the duality that you become a master at 'saving face.' I was so accustomed to dealing with covert and overt racism; so, I thought dealing with it in the academy was simply part of the territory. I really had an "ah-ha!" moment when a friend from my hometown was killed by the police; my step-father passed suddenly in 2013; and I was taking a research methods class. I felt like I needed to perform some function of myself that I could not as a young scholar because I lost a parent. Death is permanent, and I was not prepared to include that in my life during my second semester as a doctoral student. That is when I realized that my imposter syndrome was bigger than me and almost crippling. I literally had anxiety attacks once a week and thought about moving back to Durham and quitting my program."
What advice would you give to other Black women Ph.D. students who may be dealing with Impostor Syndrome as well?
"I encourage Black women Ph.D. students to be transparent. Keep it 'a band' with yourself and those around you. The SBW (Strong Black Woman) trope is dangerous and it will kill you. Don't fall for it.
Stand in your truth. Do what you can and what you need to do for you and if you need help, ask for it.
Articulate it to those who say that they love you and be specific in what you need. Practice self-care. Prioritize self-care and knowledge of self in the same way that you prioritize meetings with advisors, trips to the library, dissertation writing, and any other academic task. I'd also suggest that you locate a 'tribe' of other 'Ph.D.ers' ––whether it be in person or digitally —so that you can have systems of support."
Ashley Daniels, 32
Howard University
How has Impostor Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D. journey?
"I remember 2012 being a bittersweet year for me: I was getting settled into living in my first apartment by myself; I scored a great permanent job; and I was starting my first year as a Ph.D. student at one of my dream schools, Howard University. Things were looking good until my fall semester. Thinking that my new work-school balance was going to be like my old work-school balance, I kept my same full-time hours at my new job and took a full load of coursework at Howard. Because of the terrible school-life balance I struggled to maintain, I began to doubt myself and my position in life at the time.
Perhaps Howard and my job made a mistake in taking a chance on me? Was I really as smart as I thought I was?
This kind of thinking did a lot of damage in my first year. I finished my first year on academic suspension; was unconfident in my job performance; and feeling completely beaten down."
What are some ways in which you challenge, overcome and/or cope with your Impostor Syndrome?
"I can clearly remember the times I would walk the hallways of Howard or sit at my office desk and try to fake as many smiles as I could. It wasn't until I came to work one day the summer of 2013 looking as defeated as I felt. My boss — whom I had only known for a few months but was very supportive of my education since we met –– asked me what was going on. I finally broke down and told her everything that I was going through for the past year. However, that was the moment where things began to change. The breaking of my silence led to an adjustment in my work schedule; better advisement on how to be a successful working Ph.D. student; and eventually going to therapy to treat a plethora of issues including anxiety and depression. Six years later, I am proud of the long way I've come to the better physical, mental, and emotional space I am in."
Latoya Haynes-Thoby, 37
Penn State University
How has Impostor Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D journey?
"Impostor Syndrome was really hard in the beginning to deal with and sometimes it creeps up even now. One of the things that has helped me with my Impostor Syndrome is considering the consequences of not speaking up and talking about it. As a first-generation college student, I have seen how my peers have the support system and can reach out to their family members and close friends who have doctorates; whereas that is not the case for me. I also remember that I am here for a reason and my silence on certain issues won't further the reasons and causes that I am fighting for. I have to remind myself daily that the ideas and things that are important to the groups I belong to won't be heard unless I speak up."
What advice would you give to other Black women Ph.D. students who may be dealing with Impostor Syndrome as well?
"I remember highlighting someone for a project I did for my graduate research and one of the statements he said was, 'Always remember that your voice is important and what you have to say is important.' It wasn't until very recently that I was able to digest that. I hope that other Black women in doctoral programs remember that our voices are important and what we have to say is important. If we risk silencing ourselves, we risk silencing the communities and families we represent. We risk silencing new ideas and people that we are trying to highlight in our work."
Dominiqua M. Griffin, 28
Penn State University
How has Imposter Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D journey?
"In the beginning of the program and even now, it just feels like 'do I really even matter?' or 'will my work really make a difference?' I always feel as if I am the only person advocating for certain issues, especially in a predominantly white space such as Penn State. I've constantly questioned myself about whether or not I am good enough to be here but I also know that I am not the only person in this predicament either. I recognize there were Black women before me who felt this way and there are going to be Black women after me who will feel this way too –– and they feel imposter syndrome whether they attend predominantly white institutions or historically black colleges and universities. With this, I really have conversations with myself and say, 'I can definitely do this.'"
What are some ways in which you challenge, overcome and/or cope with your Imposter Syndrome?
"While I was at Penn State, I was a part of the Black Graduate Student Association (BGSA) and the Commission on Race, Ethnicity, and Diversity. That was really helpful. Being able to advocate for students of color; students with disabilities; and advocating for mental health and wellness and how Black students need counselors of color on campus, really helped me because I felt heard and valued. It was great to be around fellow graduate students who looked like me and who also were going through the same issues as me and being able to talk about our issues collectively really encouraged me."
Ree Botts, 25
UC Berkeley
@reeciology + @theselfologymovement
How has Impostor Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D. journey?
"My Impostor Syndrome started when I was an undergraduate at Spelman. My sophomore year, I was in a program called the Mellon-Mays Fellowship, which is a program that serves as a pipeline for undergraduate students who are interested in getting their Ph.D. At the time, I did not know if the program was what I wanted to do but with the encouragement of one of my favorite professors, I applied. I was so surprised that I was accepted into the program because I did not think I was smart enough. I felt like I didn't belong. I remember the first day of the program when everyone was making their introductions and I was really nervous because I was afraid they would judge me because of my Philly accent. I did not want people to think that I was 'ghetto' or 'stupid' because I did not talk the way they did. I used to question myself and wonder how can I be a scholar and yet an 'around-the-way' Philly girl and try to exert my confidence? I thought I had to pick a world to belong to but then I realized that I can be and do both."
What advice would you give to other Black women Ph.D. students who may be dealing with Impostor Syndrome as well?
"You deserve everything you worked hard for. Nobody made a mistake on you. Nobody accidentally let you slip in. There are a lot of unqualified people with doctorates, who have gotten through their programs because of their privilege. You have the power to create the life you want to live. Don't let your professors or these institutions have power over you.
Stay true to yourself and know that you don't have to put up with the bullshit.
You are a student at your institution and you have rights. You do not have to endure pain and trauma to get a degree. The moment you start making decisions for you and the moment you realize there is more to life –– your life –– outside these institutions and a degree is the moment you will be set free."
Have you ever encountered Impostor Syndrome? What steps are you taking to overcome those feelings?
- The Five Types Of Impostor Syndrome And How To Beat Them ›
- Learning to Deal With the Impostor Syndrome - The New York Times ›
- How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome: 21 Proven Ways ›
- Impostor Syndrome: How to fight the feelings you're a fake - CNET ›
- Afraid Of Being 'Found Out?' How To Overcome Impostor Syndrome ›
- How to Get Over Imposter Syndrome - The Muse ›
Jaimee A. Swift is a journalist and Ph.D. Candidate at Howard University majoring in Political Science. When she's not writing, researching, and/or reading, she's dancing to Beyonce, eating nachos and traveling. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @JaimeeSwift. You can check out her work at jaimeeswift.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Took Three Months Off From Work In The Name Of Radical Self-Preservation
In the fourth quarter of 2023, I finally did it. I pulled the plug! To be honest, it was a long time coming. I spent years juggling all of the balls in my life, and on October 2, 2023, I dropped every one of them and fell into surrender mode.
I couldn’t take it anymore - work, family, relationships, politics, death, the ramifications of COVID-19, and my fears creeping in. I had either put off dealing with these things, or I simply didn’t want to acknowledge them. Instead, my time, energy, and focus were on everyone and everything beside me. I pushed myself to the limit; then everything started to consume me. Burnout was swallowing me whole, you feel me?
All of this forced me to do some much-needed introspection which I turned into my self-proclaimed, "Fade to Black Season."
What is a “Fade to Black Season,” you may ask?
It’s a call to rest.
It’s a call to reset.
It’s a call to retreat into a deep, quiet space.
It’s radical self-preservation.
Deciding to step back from everything was not an easy decision for me. I contemplated taking a break from everything for many years until I couldn’t put it off anymore. If I didn’t take this time off, I knew I wouldn’t be able to truly show up for the life that I claimed that I wanted for myself.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt this immense weight on their shoulders. Why? Because I’m a Black woman. According to Every Level Leadership, 88% of Black women sometimes often, or always have experienced burnout. And let’s be honest here - Black women work harder than any other group. We are the backbone of our jobs, families, and community. Because of this, we must incorporate rest as an integral part of our well-being. In case there’s some pushback, I’ll leave this quote here for you to marinate on:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
The reality is that with piles of work and life obligations, many of us are walking time bombs. And, for me, two weeks of PTO/vacation wasn’t enough time needed to balance myself, so I took three months off. If you feel called to do so, let this be your inspiration to take your own “Fade to Black Season.”
Here’s what I did.
- Shadow Work: I became best friends with my journal and illuminated the things I hid from myself to heal. Shadow work consists of the things you don’t like about yourself, your conscious and unconscious fears, and other negative emotions that exist due to past experiences and trauma.
- Trigger Warning: During this time, I let my triggers become my wisest teacher. I asked myself why various experiences, news, or communications resulted in negativity. I observed them, listened, and learned why they took up so much space in my life. Then, I allowed myself to choose to be open to a different outcome or feeling moving forward.
- Get Back To Pleasure: I re-centered my pleasure. I had to remind myself of what turned me on. I allowed myself to take life slowly, engage my senses, and play. I signed up for every tantra workshop, went to art museums in the middle of the day, took movement classes, and went to dance parties. I moved all the stagnant energy out of my body.
- Let Others Lift You Up: I let my people love on me. I let my loved ones take care of me. This wasn’t easy. I was used to being everyone’s support system and soft space to land. However, in my time of need, I finally let my tribe show up and show out for me. My only regret is not letting them do this sooner.
- Social Media Break: I broke up with social media during this time. Reclaiming my time and attention was an integral factor in calming my nervous system. I put blockers on my phone, and when I felt the urge to swipe and scroll, I took a walk or picked up a book.
- Redefine Your Life: After doing this type of work, I knew that I would never be the same. In this new space, boundaries and balance are prioritized, and everything else has to fall in line. I now have the mental/emotional space and capacity to do my best work!
Best of all, during this time, I found God in myself, and I loved her, fiercely.
My “Fade To Black" Season allowed me to grieve in peace, rest, tap into unrelenting joy, and simply be. At this point, me and peace got a good thing going on. Nothing else will be tolerated!
For those of you who are nervous about taking the first step, use The Dufree Foundation’s DIY Sabbatical Guide to help you plan, prep, and prepare yourself for your sabbatical - this is something I wish I had done before I leaped. Consider going on a Divine Pause Retreat to learn tips and tricks to avoid mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual burnout.
For those who work in social impact, apply for The Durfee Sabbatical program, which offers $60,000 and a three-month sabbatical, so nonprofit leaders can be a lever for whole systems change.
The choice to take a sabbatical is up to you! Just remember to prioritize yourself and never pour from an empty cup.
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