For Black Women Who Choose Love Over Color
I've been in love with the essence of Black men for as long as I can remember and although I'll take love wherever I can get it, my preference has always been to love and be loved by a Black man.
I can never and will never dispute the fact that there's something about the way they walk, talk, build, and breathe that draws me to Black men.
However, in the current state of the black America, with the effects of systematic oppression at work, that seems like a dream deferred or worse...a fairytale, as we now know those to be unrealistic. The conflicts within our community spark a great deal of theories and speculation as to what the solution is to properly address and mend issues within the Black community.
One of the theories I've seen offered countless times is to essentially purify the race. In fact, it's been said on my timeline a time or two that those of us who are open to love outside of Black men are not true to our people, our causes, and our development as a culture.
As a Black woman who was raised in a mixed race family, this discussion always piques my interest, because although I don't see it that way -- I suppose I could see why someone else might.
However, I'm going to call bullshit for this reason and this reason alone: my Blackness is not dimmed by the brightness of a white man on my arm. A white man cannot and will not nullify the Black experiences that shape how I move through this world or how I contribute to the progression of our people.
And as beautiful as Black love is, this idea that we are limited to love those who look like us is disheartening and infuriating.
To wait because it's not in "God's plan" at the moment is one thing, but to have a good man walk into your life and set him back on the shelf to wait for something you don't even know exists to come into your life -- that's quite another.
For those of us who desire a romantic, intimate love with a significant other that we can share our whole lives with and not just the remnants that's what's possibly being asked of us. This is too great a sacrifice to make for the greater good. Love, is not something I'm willing to abandon. At only 25, I've already waited long enough and I'm not willing to wait longer on a technicality.
Are there good black men? Absolutely. However, finding a good black man is like bidding on an authentic limited edition Beanie Baby -- they're out there but hard as f*ck to find and even more difficult to obtain. They're hard to find for real ass reasons such as incarceration but they're also hard to find because let's keep it real: in some spaces, they are NON-existent. And if there is one within a 10-mile radius of you, he might be taken by the man or woman on either side of you.
Now, if you know where I can find them in surplus, please do shoot me a DM and share. I am most certainly willing to relocate. But until then, I refuse to turn down love meant for me simply because it doesn't match the utopian world we had in mind.
Love is love and if I can attain a love that doesn't bring me upset and pain, disappointment, or any of the things I've found in past relationships. Well, that's a win in my book.
There is a time and place for everything, including sacrifice. This isn't it.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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