Big Sean Reminded Us That Black Men Suffer From Depression Too
"Boys don't cry" is an African American proverb that serves as law in a black household.
Black men are taught that their emotions are something to be ashamed of at a very young age, leading to a deadly epidemic among African American men.
It's understandable that this theology could lead to two very different outcomes: toxic masculinity or the loss of masculinity all together. This mindset is harmful to not only their demographic, but to the African-American community as a whole. The pressure to "just be a man about it" leaves a number of black men to suffer in silence while we blissfully ignore their cries for help.
When we fail to address the need for mental wellness and stability amongst black men, we deny them the opportunity to live life at its fullest potential. Although black women suffer from depression more than any other demographic, the emotional health of black men is also important part of the conversation. Big Sean is among the men breaking the stigma around mental illness, and recently announced that he would cut his tour short to focus on gaining emotional stability.
"[I] had some things to work out in my head," he said. "I never really took the time out to nurture myself, to take care of myself. It took me a lot of depression having a lot of anxiety to realize something was off."
It's been proven that social injustices and poverty have a direct correlation to the level of substance abuse and violence that is prevalent among black communities. This fact leads me to wonder if we've neglected black men as they relate to the discussion about depression and anxiety.
These mood disorders are taboo in the black community due to the fact that hey are often a sign of weakness or vulnerability. In all actuality, they are exactly the opposite. When a man is brave enough to confront his emotional trauma, he can then find the tools to heal and operate at his maximum potential. The Finally Famous rapper ending his tour so abruptly was his way of utilizing his own tools for self-care.
Big Sean says that although he regrets disappointing his fans, he realized that he could no longer attempt to pour from an empty cup. Regardless of the backlash he would receive because of the announcement, the rapper understood that his recovery was most important.
"I've been getting myself together, getting my mind right. So I have been taking better care of myself and...not only am I bringing my best self to the music but I'm bringing my best self to the table, to my city, to my fans, to the people who are about me."
Big Sean's admission is not the first time a rapper has been open about his issues with depression and anxiety. Even icons like Tupac and Biggie talked about suicide in their raps, so why is it that black men are still not apart of the conversation about mental illness?
Addiction and substance abuse have run rampant among men in my family in the past and I've wondered if this fact would remain if help or therapy was easily accessible to them at a younger age. Depression and anxiety are major issues that affect men and women of all walks of life, and does not discriminate. It's time that we get hip to the idea that black men experience depression, too.
Featured image via Big Sean / Instagram
- 6 Self-Care Practices For Black Men - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Big Sean Mental Health Don Weekend - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Exactly Is Toxic Masculinity? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Rwenshaun Miller Traded In His Football Jersey For Therapy - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
