I Was About To Get Plastic Surgery Until My 9-Year-Old Told Me This
They say that kids say the darnedest things.
They also have a subtle way of teaching us a few things about ourselves; whether it be where we could practice a little more patience or how to be courageous. As a single mother of two daughters, Alannah, 9, and Tahliah, 2, going on 20, I know this far too well!
Over a year ago, I ended a long-term relationship. One of the hardest decisions I've made in a while, considering the time invested, the fact that I thought I was going to marry my ex, recently giving birth to our child, and already having one failed marriage under my belt. Those close to me, know that for quite some time, I really struggled with my self-esteem and rediscovering myself. I even played with the idea of plastic surgery. After all, what's wrong with a little nip here and tuck there to get you back in the game... right?
Instead, I signed up for a gym membership and began working out. My plan was to eat right and get it tight, then go under the knife to tighten up my tummy and rid of some pesky stretch marks.
Only, it didn't go as planned.
I exercised and ate clean and it appeared as if I gained weight. While I could appreciate my rump which had rounded out over time, fact of the matter was, I wasn't remotely close to my pre-pregnancy weight and I wasn't happy! To makes matters worse, I began to eat my feelings, which turned out to be Reeses, Popeyes, Starbucks fraps and Chipotle. I didn't want to get dressed or leave the house, because I felt like a stuffed sausage in my clothes.
I even began a nasty habit of stalking Instagram accounts of new moms who flaunted their six packs and perfect breasts while posing in bikinis.
Before you knew it, I stopped taking pictures altogether.
By last fall, I had saved up enough money for surgery. While this should have felt like a victory, as I thought it was the answer to all my weight woes, instead, I felt ashamed. "Here I have two gorgeous girls who I tell each day how beautiful they are... just the way they are," I said to myself. Yet, here I was crying over my curves and basing my happiness on the size of my waistline. But it wasn't until my nine-year-old checked me one morning while helping her get dressed for school, that I really had my "Aha" moment.
"I feel so FAT!" I gasped, while grabbing my love handles in frustration.
My eldest replied, "Mama stop. You are perfect just the way you are. Isn't that what you tell us?"
Meanwhile, my tot who had been resting in the doorway with her hand on her hip added, "Yeah mama, you're purty." Instantly, I felt like a complete failure.
[Tweet "Here I was crying over my curves and basing my happiness on the size of my waistline."]
I began to look back over my extended pity party and thought about all the opportunities lost where I could have been a real good example. It quickly became clear that it was time to face my bigger insecurities and not just fix what was on the outside, but how I felt personally on the inside as wel.
The problem is, that in today's society, it's ingrained in our minds that women have to be "bad b*tches" at all times, despite their race, age, and whether or not they have children. When in fact, we should be aiming to be queens: a woman who exudes effortless beauty inside and out.
[Tweet "We should be aiming to be queens: a woman who exudes effortless beauty inside and out."]
Society tells us that pregnancy ruins your body, when in fact, my minions have given me a better relationship with mine. Sure, I still have days when I feel like all kinds of yuck, or when my twenty-something girlfriend's incite envy with a series of #aboutlastnight posts, highlighting a scantily clad crew on a night out on the town.
Fortunately, along the way, I've learned that my daughters, family, and friends don't love me for how I look; they love me for the fun, loyal, respectful, and occasionally wise woman I've grown into over the years. Is that to say that I've given up on my fitness goals? Absolutely not! And I am by no means criticizing women who opt for plastic surgery, as every woman should decide what's right for them. But for now, knowing that there are people in my life who love me unconditionally, whether I'm rocking a size 6 or size 10 pair of jeans, is good enough for me!
Ruu Hawkins is a highly dependent coffee life-form, currently working towards her Master's in this thing called life. When she 's not perfecting her pen game, she's a single mother of two queens who prides herself on being a creative, curly mobbin', couture enthusiast! Chat with her on Twitter @ruubabie.
Lover of tacos and a killer jacket. Keanu Reeves is bae. Mother of two amazingly awesome children. I live by one rule: Don't be a Richard. Follow me on Instagram @truthhawkins.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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About Face: Temela Omofonmwan's Skincare Journey Started As A Family Affair
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Having glowing skin is an art that many strive to perfect, and Temela Omofonmwan has radiant skin down to a science. She frequently shares her secrets with her TikTok followers, opening up about products and overall skincare hacks that have given her a perfect radiance.
Skincare is a daily ritual to some, but to Omofonmwan, skincare has always been a family affair. “I like to joke that I’m a shea butter baby because my earliest memories were my mom giving me oat baths and making sure I was moisturized,” says Omofonmwan. Her mother’s passion for healthy skincare naturally weaved into her daughter. Omofonmwan began experimenting with different skincare products as she grew into her youth and was heavily guided by other beauty gurus telling her the latest skincare trends.
With enthusiasm, Omofonmwan went to her local drugstore with the goal of obtaining the skin of her idols, Angela Bassett and Halle Berry. However, Omofonmwan quickly learned the adverse side effects of trying too many skincare products. Omofonmwan tells us, “I have damaged my skin barrier. Then, I’d have to figure out how to fix that problem. It slowly became a rabbit hole of fixing different issues with my skin when I barely had anything to begin with.”
Omofonmwan experience is radically relatable to most young girls and women today. Constantly being influenced to fix non-existent issues. Still, we run to our local beauty stores, hoping to achieve skin on par with societal standards. Moisturizers, serums, and beauty tools occupy our self-appreciation for our skin's essence. We become trapped within the rat race of beauty trends, and the moment we complete the marathon, another beauty product hits the market for us to chase after.
There comes a point when we must ask ourselves if we are running towards “skin goals” or further away from who we are.
Courtesy
“I’ve learned not to fixate on things anymore. I’m not trying to fix everything that’s ‘wrong with me’ because nothing is. I was just influenced to think that it was,” says Omofonmwan. Knowing the influence of social media and being on the content creator side has allowed Omofonmwan to be aware of her influence. Along with skincare videos, she frequently shares trending sounds making fun of daily life. Her sense of humor is a nod to remind us all not to take life or beauty trends too seriously.
Still, Omofonmwan radiates as she discusses the views on the world of beauty. I couldn’t help but ask about her skincare routine. Read below to learn more about what she shared.
Courtesy
Keep scrolling for more insight into Temela Omofonmwan’s morning and night skincare routines.
Temela's Morning Skincare Routine:
Step One: Gua Sha
Pink Moon
“I need this to depuff my eyes in the morning. I either use this or cold spoons to bring down my puffiness.”
Step Two: Hero Cosmetics Cleanser
Amazon
“I have sensitive skin, so I like to keep my cleanser as basic as possible. It’s also affordable, and I love that so much.”
Step Three: La Roche-Posay Moisturizer
Amazon
“I love it because it’s not too heavy. I can also wear them in the winter and summer, which is great because I don’t have to change them! It’s also an affordable product people can use.”
Step Five: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
Amazon
“I use this to lock everything in for the day. My skin needs to stay moisturized, and this helps.”
Temela's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Step One: Hero Cosmetics Cream Cleanser
Amazon
“This is the same cleanser I use in the morning, and it works just as well at night.”
Step Two: La Roche-Posay Night Moisturizer
Amazon
“This is similar to the morning moisturizer, but it’s just the nighttime version. I loved their daytime moisturizer, and once I like something, I need it in all variations.”
Step Three: Medik8 Retinal 6
Medik8
“If you have super sensitive skin, this is a good one. It is expensive, but for me, it’s worth it.”
Step Four: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
Amazon
“Again, I love to lock in my moisture so it can last. I use this product day and night to ensure I’m as moisturized as possible.”
Extra Skin Treatment(s):
I’m From Honey Mask
I'm From
“Every once in a while, I like to include a honey mask in my routine. I gravitate to this on days when my skin feels dry. Honey masks are naturally healing and hydrating.”
Laser Facial By Dr. Michelle Henry
“I’ve been adding lasers for the past two years, and I’ve been loving them. They’ve made such a huge difference in my skin by not making me break out as much. I currently see Dr. Michelle Henry in New York City, and she is absolutely amazing!”
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Featured image courtesy