All Wisdom Isn't Wise: Evaluating Which Advice To Take & Which To Shake
It was an abnormally warm spring day when I took my mother to the park to tell her I was moving away.
We sat on a bench facing the rippling river; I was feeling both the weight and promise of a season about to change when my mom offered her go-to line, "Well don't you just want to pray about it a little whi-"
"No, Mom," I cut her off, lovingly. "I already prayed on it. This is what I have to do. I need to grow. I can't do that here."
She nodded in agreement, took a beat, and began laying out ideas to help me fulfill my vision quest.
In that moment, I discovered the power of firmly yet lovingly rejecting advice that does not align with personal convictions - no matter who is offering it.
Vet Your Loved Ones’ Advice Too
It seems painless to blindly follow the advice of those who love you, but as get older, life will show you that it is wisest to evaluate the who, what, where, when, why, and how of everyone's advice first. Yes, that includes Big Mama too.
Real life isn't set up for the age-old idea that we should only take advice from those who love us. In fact, it offers anecdotal proof that we should examine their counsel just as much, if not more than anyone else's.
I'm sure that if it isn't you, you know at least one person who forfeited some of their deepest ambitions under the counsel of those who loved them dearly:
They went through with law school to make their parents proud, knowing acting was their dream.
They married the girl who looked good on paper when they were in love with the girl from around the way.
They had children to make their spouse and family happy when they didn't want children at all.
Parents want their children to experience "better" lives than their own. And sometimes, even our friends don't understand our visions and will advise us based solely upon financial stability and safety. While there is nothing inherently wrong with the desires of our heart, they can pull us out of alignment with our destiny if we receive them blindly when presented at the wrong time, for the wrong reason, or from the wrong motivation.
Advice based on living a "safe" life is meant to be loving. But to live safely leaves so much to be desired in regards to passions and dreams. Safety usually translates to comfort - and comfort doesn't usually produce great things.
My mother's advice to pray about my move wasn't bad advice. It was simply: 1) poorly timed and 2) motivated by fear.
First, I already had the answer I'd prayed for. So, to pray again would be futile. Second, her reason for wanting me to pray was to delay my decision because she was afraid for me to live so far away.
Getting advice is a lot like solving a math test problem. The advice is the answer but in order for it to make sense, you need to show your work, and reasoning.
When receiving advice, ask the person for their reasoning and listen with your mind as well as your heart.
Seek Wisdom From The Courageously Wise
Great lives demand courageous counselors. There must be an element of courage that accompanies any advice. Most of the time we ask for advice when we've got a difficult choice to make, right?
When the fork in the road feels colossal and your answers to life's questions are vague at best, it's crucial to have people in your corner who have faith to believe the impossible and the good sense not to advise you off a cliff. For example, if you're gung-ho to put a down payment on a space for your new business, a courageously wise person might be just as excited about your new venture as you are but she would first pump the brakes and inquire about your business plans, investors, etc.
Courageously wise people take big, giant leaps of faith but they also understand that there are levels to the game of life. They'll be your #1 hype man but they will never let you play yourself by doing too much too soon or skipping key steps on your path.
Listen To Those Who’ve Been Here Before
"Never ask advice of someone with whom you wouldn't want to trade places." - Darren Hardy
If they've not mastered the path you're traveling, why do you need to know what they think?
Don't worry, I'll wait.
That's like asking someone with perpetually poor credit to walk you through the steps to financial freedom. It sounds crazy because it is crazy. Yet, we do it everyday -- allowing friends and family to toss their two terrible cents into the bank of our lives, adding very little value.
Instead, connect with those whose lives are a reflection of achievement in the places you're looking for answers. Just as a receipt is proof of a purchase, please keep in mind when seeking and considering advice that there must be proof of mastery.
What are some of the key takeaways you've learned in either receiving or giving advice? Share them below in the comments!
- It's not all about being clever, where's the wisdom? ›
- The "conventional wisdom" about growing your startup that isn't so ... ›
- When the Crowd Isn't Wise - The New York Times ›
- Is It Worth Being Wise? ›
- The Wisest Quotes on Wisdom | Psychology Today ›
- Wisdom Isn't What You Think It Is, And It Doesn't Always Come With ... ›
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage