5 Things You’ve Probably Said If You’re A Procrastinating Perfectionist
It's 8:00 PM. You have a major team deliverable tomorrow, and despite 52 offers from your coworkers, you turn them all down and are convinced that you are the only one who can complete the task to your satisfaction.
After cleaning every room in your house, meal prepping for the week, and randomly picking lint out of your sweater, you decide to stay up until 3:00 AM creating the presentation, storyline, and handouts… and it looks amazing. After the presentation, everyone calls you a genius, wonders how you do it, but all you can think about is the sleep you're about to get that night.
On the brink of exhaustion, you swear that you're never going to procrastinate again, but you and I both know you will, because you're a procrastinating perfectionist.
People don't understand us, but we're blessed with a skill-set that can transform into a curse if left unchecked. Rather than get started, we wait and plan and perfect in order to avoid getting started. Even if the end product is ah-mazing, continued procrastination will prevent us from reaching our full potential. Why settle for a B when you can get an A?
Here are 5 phrases you've probably said if you're a procrastinating perfectionist and tips to get back on track.
"It will get done."
If anything, this is the procrastinating perfectionist's go-to catch phrase. The thought of impending deadlines hang over our heads like a dark cloud, and yet here we are, deciding to watch a whole season of House of Cards knowing that we could finish a designated task 3 days in advance if we were on top of our scheduling. Stop it!
Tip: Follow the "one touch rule": As soon as something is assigned to you or designated for a certain day/time, only "touch" it once. Don't start and then stop. Don't push back the deadline. Just force yourself to sit there and complete the task until it's complete and then cross it off the list.
"It's all in my head."
This phrase lets us act like we have actually began working on a task, when in reality, it's a cop out. Unless you truly have written a list or created an outline with actionable steps (or however you prefer to organize your life), you have not made legitimate progress.
Tip: Create detailed schedules/to-do lists and be accountable for the items you place on them. If you know you cannot bake 78 cakes in an hour, do not put it on your to-do list. Setting mini-deadlines can help you accomplish more sophisticated goals, but be realistic and ensure that you are following through.
"The deadline motivates me." or "I was waiting for inspiration."
Similar to the "it's all in my head" excuse, the "I was waiting for inspiration" claim also allows us to be complacent with inactivity. Sometimes you have to force yourself to be productive by creating an environment where you can focus, or refusing to move onto other activities before completing an agenda item.
Tip: At a minimum, research shows that it takes at least 18 days to change a habit, so repetition and forced realignment with more productive goals can help you get back on track.
"It would be easier if I did ____ myself." or "No one does____ like I do."
Refusal to ask for or receive help can guarantee that you will not complete some tasks. Learning to let go and/or relinquish some control is an important life skill. There are ways to contribute your opinion without leading the whole project and having your hands in too many pies can prevent you from having the capacity to focus on projects you truly care about.
Tip: Invest in training others or leaving detailed instructions so others can pick up tasks where you left off. Their interpretation of a project may not be the same, but sometimes the incorporation of fresh perspectives can lead to even better end products.
"It all worked out."
If you're a vegetarian who occasionally eats a burger, are you really a vegetarian? That's not how it works, sis. Just because you feel good about the end product, doesn't mean that the road you took to get there was appropriate.
Tip: Don't pat yourself on the back for unproductive behavior. When you have that "I really should be productive right now" feeling, do. You'll thank yourself for it later.
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Lydia is a recent Ivy League graduate who is passionate about using her voice to enact change in minority and female communities. Dubbed the "Intern Queen," she has worked 8+ internships in diverse industries, including Wall Street firms and the Obama White House, and is now bringing her career and lifestyle tips to you! Meet Lydia on Instagram @queen_of_anglin and Twitter @its_lit_dia.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images