5 Things That Are Okay To Require On A First Date
Here's something that my friends know about me. More times than not, if I suggest going out (with one of them), I'll pick up the tab. Not because I have to but because it wasn't like they were dying to catch a matinee on a Sunday or try out a new restaurant — or even spend the gas that it took to get there. I called them. So, since I suggested spending money, I don't mind it being a "friend date".
By no means am I saying that this should be an implemented friendship rule or way of practice (of course not!); however, I am using it as a way to illustrate why, if a man asks a woman out, I don't get into the whole let's-go-Dutch thing. It's basically for the same reason why I oftentimes cover the tab with a friend. Whatever woman he approached was doing just fine (thank you very much) before he asked her out. Why should she need to fund the time that he initiated spending with her?
Once a couple has gotten some dates and clarity of what they're doing underneath their belts, her sometimes splitting the bill or even paying for a date altogether doesn't bother me in the least. But since first dates are a lot about making a good first impression, if a man extended an invitation, in order to make a positive impact, there are a few things that I think are okay — recommended even — for a woman to require ("require" in the sense of it being a deal-breaker should he choose not to do them) from him.
Do you have a first date coming up? If so, I strongly encourage you to require the following guidelines:
1.Chivalry
I remember once reading a meme that said, "Chivalry isn't dead. It's wherever being ladylike went." Ouch. I will say this — chivalry doesn't work (well) if we as women don't allow men to be gentlemen. That said, I can't tell you how many times a male friend of mine has sighed as I opened the door for myself. Unfortunately, sometimes we are so busy trying to prove that "we've got this" that a man can't show us how gracious, protective, and caring he can be.
If you want to find out how good a man is at being a man, chivalry is a great starting point.
Whether it's calling rather than texting to confirm date plans; actually having plans before seeing you; picking you up (if you know him well enough, that is), and not honking the horn but walking up to your door to get you; opening your car door (and every other door you walk through); introducing you to anyone he knows that you both might run into; walking on the side closest to the street when you're on the sidewalk and/or walking you to the door at the end of a date — a man reveals a lot about his home training, intent, and the kind of respect he has for women in general whenever he's chivalrous on a date.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage