Michelle Obama Says If You Are Looking For A Barack, You Should Try Not Looking So Damn Hard
With the recent debut of Michelle Obama's hit memoir Becoming, intimate details were shared about the love story between her and Barack.
If you had the opportunity to finish the book, you may be disappointed at the lack of hot and steamy recollections of their earlier years (okay, maybe it's just me but can you blame me?! Michelle and Barack are so attractive). However, Michelle made sure to drop some gems in the form of dating advice for us single ladies looking to find our Mr. Right.
If you don't know by now, Barack was not even Michelle's type, as she mentored him while working at a prestigious law firm at the time and saw him as a brilliant yet eccentric opposite, placing him in squarely the friend zone. Not the "Oh, I'll put him on the back burner" friend zone, but the land of no return friend zone. She even tried to hook him up with other friends.
However, the universe was not having that, and after some more time of friendship, fun, and getting acquainted with each other's true selves and values, the two came to recognize the spark that had been ignited between them.
Michelle explained live at her Boston book tour stop recently:
"Falling in love all over the place. I fell hard and fast and deep and quick, but we still didn't marry until we got to know each other...So by the end of that summer, Barack had told me that he loved me. Brothas, another thing, do not play games! He wasn't playing games."
She continued:
"That was another thing! He was like, 'I love you, let's figure this out.' It wasn't like, 'Well, I'm trying to do these kinds of things.' Trust me, I had plenty of that, people just trying to keep their options open. I was sick of that. Barack was like, 'Nope, this is who I am, this is what I think we want. Let's give it a shot.' He was clear, gentlemen. He. Was. Clear."
There you have it, ladies! While you are trying to act like you didn't hear the part when your crush says, "I'm not looking for anything serious," or "I would love to see where this goes," Michelle says you shouldn't let a man get the best of you when he already gave a clear indication that he wants to keep his options open.
It is tempting to wag a finger at men and tell them to stop playing games, however, the true power lies in your decision to not let a man come into your life and play games with you, unapologetically. That does not make you difficult, high maintenance, or unrealistic; it makes you a high value woman with expectations a virtuous man will break his back to meet.
Michelle also dropped this additional piece of dating advice for women:
"High bar, ladies. High bar. Keep your bar high. Because it's hard enough with a high bar, it's hard. So you don't want to start making huge, huge compromises in who you are and how you want a man or a partner to show up in your life. And I think it helped that I wasn't looking. That I wasn't thirsty. That I was pushing him off a little bit and he had to work a bit."
Michelle's 'bar' was so high because she was not looking for completion, but she was open to elevation.
As a Harvard Law graduate with a leadership role at her firm and a life dedicated to her evolution as a woman, it was easy for her to make the distinction between a placeholder and a potential husband.
Relationships thrive off of the compromise of both partners, however, make sure not to get too weak in the knees too quickly, when you think you've met a 'Barack'.
Focus on yourself, how you feel around this new interest, and how he adds value to your life with new insights and experiences. Don't be fooled by charm, don't base all your feelings off how consistent he may be at the moment, and bet on yourself. Trust your gut and your judgment of his intentions. Don't be afraid to slow things down a bit in order to re-center yourself. And make sure to check that friend zone of yours one more time, you might just find a diamond in the rough.
Listen to Michelle's advice here.
Feature image by Scott Olson/Getty Images
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
Courtesy
I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
Courtesy
That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
Courtesy
So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
Courtesy
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy